


Coffee Fix

by therumjournals



Series: Coffee Fix [2]
Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M, Pinto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-25
Updated: 2010-04-24
Packaged: 2017-10-17 13:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/177514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therumjournals/pseuds/therumjournals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fourteen years later, Chris and Zach have a conversation in the kitchen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coffee Fix

“So, what do you think about Jesse wanting to do theater camp this summer?”

Chris leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms. “Well, you know how I feel about the boys acting…”

“But…?”

“But the karate and baseball and art classes haven’t held his interest, so…what can you do? I think we let him go for it.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey Zach.”

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing here?”

Zach leaned back in his chair at the kitchen table. “I came by to see the boys off to school,” he said, as if it were that simple.

“Uh huh. Well. The boys are at school.”

Zach played with the handle of his coffee mug. “Well, then I’m here to mooch free coffee off of you.” He slid the mug across the table.

Chris rolled his eyes, but he picked up the coffee pot and refilled Zach’s mug, before taking a seat at the table across from him.

Zach took a sip and closed his eyes appreciatively. When he opened them, Chris was staring at him, waiting.

“I don’t know,” Zach said, shaking his head. “I…miss you, I guess.”

“You miss me?”

“I miss…something. I don’t know.”

Chris didn’t say anything, just let Zach take another sip and think about what he wanted to say.

“I miss…sitting in the living room, drinking a glass of red wine with you, talking, gossiping, just…talking.”

Chris raised an eyebrow. “That sounds nice. Do you actually remember the last time we did that?”

Zach smiled wryly and shook his head. “No, I guess not.”

They sat in silence for a moment, drinking their coffee. Chris was the first to break the silence. “It’s hard.”

Zach wasn’t sure what Chris was referring to. Being a parent, being apart…being together. It all fit, anyway. He took a deep breath and stared into his coffee mug as he said the only thing he wanted to say in response. “Would you, uh…want to go out sometime?” He made himself look up. “Just us?”

Chris stilled, set his mug down. “The boys would like that,” he conceded.

“Yeah. I didn’t mean for the boys.”

“I know.” Chris traced the rim of his mug with a finger. “I don’t know, Zach.”

“You seeing someone?”

Chris laughed a little at that. “No. No, I’m not. No.” It wasn’t until the last “no” that he realized how relieved he was that that was the answer, at least now, when it was Zach asking.

“So…that’s a no, then?” Zach asked, smiling, watching to see if he could get Chris to smile back. “Just dinner. That’s all I’m asking.”

Chris grinned a little and raised his eyes to Zach’s. “That’s all you were asking fourteen years ago, and I think we both know how that turned out.”

Another silence, somewhere between awkward and comfortable. It was a place that had become comfortable in itself over the past year.

“Gavin’s got a sleepover tomorrow,” Chris said quietly, pushing his mug around on the table with a finger.

“I can talk to Joe, maybe he can take Jesse to a movie…”

Chris pushed the mug again, stared intently at it, as though he thought it might move another inch on its own. “Okay,” he said, when the mug stayed resolutely still.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Dinner,” Chris said, in case Zach had forgotten what he was agreeing to.

Zach drained the last of his coffee and stood up from the table. “I’ll give you a call.”

“Great.” Chris stood up and walked Zach to the front door. Zach pulled on his jacket and had the door half open when Chris stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Zach.”

Zach looked at him curiously, and Chris held an arm out, and Zach only hesitated for a second before stepping into it for a loose embrace. “See you tomorrow,” he murmured into Chris’s shoulder.

“See you.” They pulled apart and Chris held the door open the rest of the way. He watched Zach until he climbed into his car before he shut the door and headed back into the kitchen.

He sat down at the table and thought about the day ahead. He thought about getting lunch with his agent and going to the grocery store. He thought about picking the boys up from school, making them macaroni and cheese. He thought about telling them, “By the way, your dad and I are going out for dinner tomorrow.” He sipped his coffee and smiled.


	2. Last Time / Dinner / Return

**Last Time**

 _“I miss…sitting in the living room, drinking a glass of red wine with you, talking, gossiping, just…talking.”  
“That sounds nice. Do you actually remember the last time we did that?”_

Zach handed Chris a glass of red wine and sat down on the couch next to him as Chris pulled out his phone. Chris smiled at him in thanks, put the phone on speaker and set it down between them as it rang.

“Hello?”

“Zoe!”

“Hey guys!”

“Hey Zoe,” Chris said, “sorry I wouldn’t let Zach talk to you before. I didn’t want him to get all the good gossip first and then pick and choose what he told me.”

Zach stuck his tongue out at Chris as Zoe laughed.

“So, how is everything?”

“You tell us first. Seriously, don’t get Chris started, he’ll talk about the kids for an hour and you won’t get a word in edgewise.”

“It’s true,” Chris agreed, leaning toward the phone. “Tell us everything.”

*

“…so Jesse was a cowboy, and Gavin wore one of my plaid shirts and went around telling everyone he was a ‘mumberjack’.”

“Oh my god, that is adorable.”

“Yeah, it was. We’ll send you some pictures.”

“Of Jesse,” Chris added with a laugh.

“Oh yeah,” Zach said, grinning. “Chris has somehow trained Gavin to literally run out of the room the moment anyone pulls out a camera. It’s quite impressive.”

“Whereas Jesse goes into full-on Vogue mode as soon as someone points a camera at him. Then he tells you to wait there, with the camera, while he goes and changes into another outfit.”

“Wonder where he gets that from,” Zoe said, laughing.

“Seriously, you should see Zach’s face right now, Zo, he looks so proud.” Chris winked at Zach and avoided his playful kick.

“I’ve gotta run you guys, but I’m going to be in LA next month. It would be great to see you if we get a chance.”

“Yeah…” Zach glanced sideways at Chris. “Well, I’ll be here, but Chris is filming on location for two months.”

Chris’s smile faded and he ran a hand over his face.

“Wow, two months. Well, you’ve done this before, haven’t you?”

“Not since Jesse was born,” Chris said, slumping back on the couch.

“He’s nervous,” Zach said. “Doesn’t think I can handle the single parenting deal.”

Chris slid an arm around Zach and kissed him on the cheek. “That’s not true. I’ll just miss you guys, that’s all.”

“Well, I’ll give you a call when I’m in town anyway,” Zoe said into the subdued mood. “Maybe I can at least see you and the boys, Zach.”

“Yeah, definitely. It was great talking to you, Zoe.”

“You, too. Goodnight, guys.”

They said goodnight and hung up and Chris stood, offering a hand to Zach to pull him up from the couch. Zach wrapped his arms around Chris and held him close.

“Zach, when I’m gone-“

“Shhh,” Zach breathed into his hair, silencing him. “I don’t want to talk about it right now, Chris.”

Chris set his chin on Zach’s shoulder. “We have to talk about it sometime.”

“Yeah, I know” Zach said, pulling back to kiss Chris on the lips. “Just…not right now.”

 

 **Dinner**

“I heard they sent you a script for _Lawrence of Arabia_. You thinking about it?”

Chris shook his head. “No.”

“Why not? You’d be perfect.”

“Three months of filming in fucking Tunisia? I’m not doing that.”

Zach watched in silence as Chris rearranged the food on his plate, refusing to meet his eye.

“You should do it,” Zach said softly.

“Not sure if you recall, Zach,” Chris said, emotion creeping into his voice, “but last time I went away for two months…it fucking wrecked me.” He finally looked up at Zach and his eyes were stormy. “Among other things.”

Zach shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “It would be different this time. You know. I learned my lesson-“

“I know, Zach,” Chris interrupted. “I know, and it’s not you I’m worried about, I promise. I just…I don’t want to leave them for that long.”

“So we’ll come with you!”

“Don’t push me, Zach. Please. Don’t push…this.”

Zach leaned back in his chair. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Zach’s phone buzzed on the table between them, and he picked it up. “Movie’s over. Do we want them to go get ice cream?” he said, looking at the screen.

Chris gave him a half-smile. “Far be it from me to stand in the way of ice cream.”

“Do you…want to get out of here?” Zach asked, swallowing hard, looking down.

Chris watched him for a few seconds, bit his lip, and picked up the dessert menu. “Actually, I could go for some ice cream myself.”

He stared at the menu, the words swimming before his eyes as he gave Zach a second to compose himself, could practically hear him pasting on a fake smile before he reached over to pull the menu from Chris’s hands. “Give me that. I promise I won’t order anything with bananas.”

 

 **Return**

“Papa!”

Chris knelt down and held his arms out as Gavin and Jesse barreled into him full force. He was grinning, and he grinned even harder as he wrapped his arms around them, as if that could counteract the tears springing to his eyes. He’d managed to hold them back by the time he stood up, letting go of the boys only to wrap his arms around Zach.

Zach’s arms tightened around his waist, and he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Not in front of them,” Chris whispered back, his voice low and rough. Not that Zach had been holding out for a cheerful homecoming.

Zach was quiet in the car as the kids babbled on, and Chris only managed to get in a few words about the wonders of Thailand before Jesse was talking over him about how he’d seen a bear take a poop at the zoo.

*

Zach was leaning against the kitchen counter drinking a gin and tonic when Chris came downstairs. He slid the other drink across the counter. Chris had to admire Zach’s understanding that they were both going to need alcohol for this conversation.

Chris picked up the glass, took a long, cool sip, and set it down. He braced his hands on the counter and looked at Zach. “Are you insane?”

“Chris…”

“Zach.”

“I didn’t do anything, I swear.”

“This isn’t about fucking fidelity, Zach. This is about the kids and the fact that there are pictures of their father drunkenly groping another man outside of a club. What the fuck were you thinking, Zach?”

“I was not _groping_ him…”

“Really Zach? That’s where you want to start this? At the groping? Not at the part where as soon as my back is turned you leave your children to go clubbing?”

“Give me a break, Chris. I was with Zoe! She came over, we had dinner with the boys, dropped them at your parents, and went out. That’s all.”

“And then you proceeded to get wasted.”

“I already said I’m sorry, okay? Just, she was telling me about New York and…fuck, Chris, you know I would not trade this-“ he gestured to the stairs, and the house and Chris “-for anything. You _know_ that.” He paused and ran a hand through his hair. “Just, sometimes, it’s hard to think about…you know…what it used to be like. So, I got a little morose and I drank too much, that’s all. _And_ I fucking missed you,” he added as an afterthought. “I miss you right now. I’m sorry, I was an asshole.” He stopped, then remembered the rest of the argument, and continued in a rush. “And I don’t even know who that guy was, by the way, and I’m positive he won’t be calling for me, since I barfed all over his shoes five seconds after that picture was taken. And at least there are no pictures of that. But, I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry, Chris.”

Chris tipped his head back, gritting his teeth, wanting so badly to stay mad at Zach, but he missed him, too, like an ache in his gut that had gotten worse in the last hour than it had been for two fucking months. He moved around the counter and pulled Zach into his arms, muttered “You’re not off the hook yet,” and closed his eyes as Zach’s whispered “I know” brushed against his skin.

“I’m never leaving again, by the way,” Chris said, his eyes closed as he breathed in Zach’s scent.

“I am,” Zach said, and Chris stiffened in his arms, pulled away to look at him, confusion furrowing his brow. “I mean, wait. That came out wrong. I mean,” and now Zach was smiling, “I just meant, I got the part.”

“ _Mutiny on the Bounty_?”

Zach nodded. “I just found out today.”

“That’s…awesome, Zach. Congratulations,” Chris said, meaning it. “So…how long?”

“Six weeks in the Caribbean. I should be able to come back halfway through for a few days though.” He held Chris close to him and they swayed slowly in the middle of the kitchen. “Will it be okay?” he asked, letting the uncertainty creep into his voice.

Chris shrugged in his arms, buried his face in Zach’s shoulder. “I hope so, Zach. I really hope so.”


	3. Birth / Date Night / Visit Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking care of the kids turns out to be the easiest part.

**Birth**

“Oh my god, oh my god, this is crazy. Zach, are we insane?”

Zach stopped pacing for a second to look at Chris. “Yes. We’re insane.”

“No! You’re not supposed to agree with me! You’re supposed to say it’s going to be okay, we’re going to be fine, we’re going to be great at this.”

At least, that had been the pattern over the past seven months, ever since the adoption agency had called to let them know. Chris would have a minor breakdown just walking through the diaper aisle, and Zach would Google diaper reviews and print out the results from Consumer Reports. Zach would stand paralyzed in the nursery, looking helplessly between the seafoam green and mint color strips and Chris would pull them gently out of his hand and say fuck it, they were going with pistachio like they’d already decided, and Zach wasn’t allowed to go to Home Depot anymore.

But now, at the key moment, as they waited nervously, Zach pacing and Chris fidgeting in his seat, they were at a loss. Zach pulled out his phone just as Chris started dialing his, and they smiled at each other across the room as their conversations began the same way – “Mom, tell me I can do this.”

When they hung up they looked at each other and laughed and Chris stood up and they hugged and then the doctor came out and told them “Okay, it’s time.”

*

“Who wants to hold him first?” the nurse asked, and Chris nudged Zach forward. The nurse handed him the swaddled infant and Zach almost forgot to breathe for a second as he looked down at the baby in his arms.

Chris stepped in close and touched the baby reverently and looked up to see moisture glistening in Zach’s eyes.

“Our son,” Chris breathed, and Zach had to hand him the baby then so he could turn to wipe his tears on his sleeve.

*

“Support his head!”

“I _know_ , Chris. Give me a little credit here, you’ve been making me practice on a Cabbage Patch Kid for the last two months.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that, by the way. I just realized how _not_ like a Cabbage Patch Kid this actually is.”

“Thank you.”

*

“Chris, stop poking him.”

“I can’t! God, look at him. He’s so perfect.”

“He’s going to be perfectly pissed off when you wake him up by poking him.”

Chris tucked his hands under his chin as they watched Jesse sleep, tiny and perfect between them on the bed.

“So far, so good, right?” Chris asked, quietly.

“So far. Maybe someday you’ll even be able to change him without destroying three diapers first.”

“Shut up. It’s a lot different than a Cabbage Patch doll.”

“I’m honestly not sure which one of you is cuter right now,” Zach said, leaning over Jesse to kiss Chris on the lips.

“Zach?”

“Yeah?”

“What did your mom say when you called her today?”

“She said ‘Don’t worry, Zach. Chris has everything under control.’”

Chris laughed. “Oh god. Does she even know me?”

“She knows you all too well, I’d say. Why, what did your mom say?”

“She said not to worry, that I wouldn’t be doing this alone. That you’d be there every step of the way with me.”

“Awww, so sweet.”

“I was like, ‘Mom, you could’ve at least _tried_ to say something comforting!’”

“Shut up, you fucker,” Zach said, punching Chris in the shoulder, laughing as Chris lunged to protect the baby’s ears from Zach’s profanity.

Jesse squirmed at Chris’s touch, opened his eyes, and started wailing.

  
 **Date Night**

“Why do I feel like I’m in high school picking a girl up for our first date?” Zach asked, spinning his keys around a finger as he leaned against his car door.

“No idea,” Chris said, shrugging on his jacket. “You wanna give my dad a call and tell him you’ll get me home on time?”

“Who says I will,” Zach said with a sly smile.

“Uncle Joe, that’s who. We have to be back here by 10:00, he said. He’s got a hot date or something.”

“You’re not just saying that so you can get rid of me early?”

“That, too,” Chris said, and they climbed into the car.

*

Chris looked at his plate and the table and the fishtank along the wall of the restaurant. He took a deep breath and bit his lip and finally looked at Zach and said, “Do you know how to make one of those volcano things? Because the science fair’s coming up and Jesse wants to-“

“Twelve minutes,” Zach said, looking at his watch. “So close, Chris. So close.”

“Dammit!”

“I win.”

“What was the bet again?”

“If you can’t go fifteen minutes without talking about the kids, I decide where we go for dessert.”

“That seems like a rather harmless bet, Zachary,” Chris said, pointing his fork at Zach. “I don’t trust you.”

“Regardless, I was right, and now that the barrier is broken, I have no idea how to make a volcano thingy, but I will learn from my esteemed science mentor, Google.”

“And then you’ll make it for Jesse?”

“Maybe I would have if you’d won the bet.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

Chris put a forkful of salad in his mouth and chewed defiantly at Zach.

**

“Oh look, it’s 9:45. Guess we don’t have time to go for dessert,” Chris said with a smirk as they got in the car.

“Yeah, well, guess what. For dessert we’re getting a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and going to your house.”

“Fuck, I knew you had something devious planned.”

“Only you would see eating ice cream out of the container as devious.”

“That’s not what I meant, asshole.”

“I hope you don’t use that kind of language around the kids,” Zach said, mock-scolding.

“No, I save it all for you, baby,” Chris said, and they both got quiet then as something uncomfortably like memories filled the car.

**

After the kids were in bed, checked on, and kissed, and Uncle Joe was sent off to his midnight booty call, Chris and Zach sat quietly on a bench in the backyard, passing a pint of Cherry Garcia between them. After a while, Zach set the carton down and rested his elbows on his knees.

“I’ve been trying to remember,” he started, softly, and Chris listened even though it sounded like Zach was talking to himself. “What went wrong? How did this not work, Chris?”

Chris leaned back against the wall of the house. “I don’t know. We were so angry, all the time.”

“We gave up, I think.”

Chris inhaled sharply. It was something he’d considered, too, but he’d never admitted it to Zach and tried not to dwell on it himself when the thought crept into his head, dripping with blame and heartache.

“I wouldn’t have thought it of us,” Zach said, standing up. “I’m gonna go.”

Chris reached for his hand and stood and wrapped his arms around Zach, and Zach hugged him back.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Zach asked, his voice soft at Chris’s ear.

Chris shut his eyes. “More than anything,” he murmured.

“So why don’t you?”

“Self –preservation,” Chris said, honestly.

“Chris,” Zach whispered, “stop doing this.”

Chris stepped back, sliding his arms from around Zach’s shoulders, until Zach caught him by the wrists and put his arms back where they’d been, and he pressed his face into Chris’s neck and mumbled that he was sorry, he was sorry and that this was enough.

They held each other quietly, until Zach broke the silence. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to,” he told Chris.

“I don’t,” Chris said. “And if I recall, that was always part of the problem.”

  
 **Visit Home**

“I just thought, you know, maybe we could spend these four days that you’re home _not_ fighting.”

Zach ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “I’m not trying to fight with you, Chris. I just, I had this idea in my mind of what it would be like.”

“What would it be like?”

“Like, we’d spend the days hanging with the boys and the nights fucking like we haven’t seen each other in weeks.”

“Is that what this is about? What about the night you got home?”

“Yeah, that was great, but honestly I was exhausted and I was practically passing out during,” Zach admitted.

“Wow, I’m flattered. Thanks. That really makes me want to jump right back into bed with you.”

“Chris, what is wrong with you? When you were gone, I didn’t turn into some mopey recluse. When was the last time you went out, Chris?”

“Make up your mind, Zach. Do you want me to go out and party it up and barf on some guy’s shoes, or do you want me to stay home and be a dad until you get back, then send the kids to my parents and fuck like bunnies for three days?”

“Chris, that is _not_ fair. Look, I know that you’re…frustrated that I’m gone, okay? And I’m sorry, and actually, why am I always the one apologizing? I’m not the only one at fault here, Chris. I just…it feels like we’ve lost our wavelength, right? We’re not on the same page, or something. But we just need to get through this and everything will go back to the way it was.”

Chris ran a hand over his face and wondered why he felt that with every word out of their mouths, the way it was was slipping further and further away.


	4. Jennifer / Premiere / Erosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some decisions are easier than others.

**Jennifer**

Chris pulled the vibrating phone out of his pocket and checked the screen. "It's Jennifer," he told Zach, a question in his voice.

"Really? Answer it."

"Hey Jennifer!"

"M-Mr. Pine, um-" a voice sobbed on the other end of the line.

"Hey Jennifer, what's going on, are you okay?"

"Yeah, um, I'm okay, I just...something happened and I wanted to call you first, and..."

"Where are you?" He heard a long breathy sob before Jennifer responded.

"I'm at Planned Parenthood."

**

"So wait," Joe was saying through a mouthful of burrito. "You pay for this girl to go to college, and she goes and has sex with some dude at a frat party and gets herself knocked up again?"

"Crudely put," said Zach, rolling his eyes, "but yes, basically."

Joe leaned back in his chair and grinned. "Classic."

"How much is tuition at a convent, do you think?" Chris mused.

"And you guys are seriously thinking about adopting the kid?"

"Yeah. Kinda decided, I think."

"And you do remember that you already have one hellion - I mean, child, right?"

In his highchair, Jesse said "bah!" and threw a handful of Cheerios on the floor.

"Yeah. We're aware," said Chris, leaning down to look at the Cheerios scattered over the floor. He shook his head in surrender and sat up to take another bite of his lunch.

"I mean, we've talked about having another kid at some point," Zach said.

"Yeah, but I mean - now? So soon? Was that part of the plan?"

"No."

"No, definitely not."

Joe laughed and shook his head.

"But I mean, look at it," Chris said, leaning forward now, "Jesse's biological sibling. How can we say no? It's like fate or destiny or something. It's like, we were _meant_ to have this kid."

Joe cocked an eyebrow at him. "Chris, I swear you did not say shit like that before you married my brother."

Chris shrugged and reached over to put a hand on Zach's shoulder.

"Anyway," Joe continued, "you know I support you guys one hundred percent in whatever you do."

"Thanks, Joe."

"Yeah, thanks Uncle Joe," Chris said, grinning.

"That's awesome Uncle Joe to you."

**

Chris got home at 9:00 PM and walked into chaos.

"Oh my god," Zach said, opening the front door, "thank god you're home." He had Jesse propped on his hip, red-eyed and sobbing. Chris could hear Gavin crying from his carrier in the kitchen. Chris took Jesse from him and put a hand on his forehead. "I know, he's burning up."

"Do you think we should call the doctor?"

"I called, she called in a prescription, Joe's picking it up and bringing it over. I wasn't sure when you'd get home."

"I know. I got out of there as fast as I could. Thank god it was only 14 hours today."

"Ugh, I'm sorry, baby." Zach pulled Chris in for a quick hug and kissed him on the temple before he went back to check on Gavin, who was screaming even louder than he had been five minutes earlier. "What?" Zach said, as soothingly as he could through his aggravation. "What is it, huh? I fed you, I changed you, I made faces at you, what do you want?" He picked him up and walked around, bouncing the baby in his arms. "Do you have your brother's cold? Huh? Are you gonna barf on me again like you did this morning? Because that wasn't cool." He lifted Gavin to his shoulder, patted him on the back, and Gavin promptly spit up down the back of his t-shirt. "Fuuuu- er...fluffy sugar nuggets, or whatever. CHRIS!"

"What?" Chris could only afford to be slightly amused, as he was busy shoveling snot off of Jesse's face.

"Give Jennifer a call."

"Zach, I don't think we can return them."

"No, I'm serious. I want to make sure she's not having sex. We can't handle another one, I swear."

 **Premiere**

“You could come with me to this premiere…”

“NO, Zach. No cameras.”

Zach sighed into the phone. “Fine. Maybe something after then?”

“What, no parties? It’s okay, Zach. We can do something next week.”

“No. No, I mean, I want to do something with you. I’d rather see you.”

“Okay. After, then.”

“I’ll have the driver pick you up.”

**

Zach paused in the door of the limo, his eyes locked on Chris. He’d dressed up, a suit jacket with his jeans instead of the usual cardigan, and he was resting his elbows on his knees and looking at Zach, his eyes an intense blue that took Zach’s breath away. Zach climbed the rest of the way in, the door shut behind him, and he took a seat across the bench from Chris.

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” he said.

“Yeah,” Chris agreed.

Because when they looked each other here, their skin tingled with the memory of subtle touches, of desperate kisses and of fighting through layers of clothes as though nothing would be right until skin was touching skin. They could practically smell that sweat-sex smell that had so often lingered when they’d stumbled out of limos too much like this one, laughing and disheveled at the end of a perfect night. And suddenly the air seemed too heavy to breathe and the memories were too loud, and Chris hit the intercom and told the driver to let them out.

**

They walked in silence for a while, sucking the cool night air into their lungs and trying to push the memories out of their minds.

“I’m sorry, Zach,” Chris said, breaking the silence. “I couldn’t…I’m not ready…”

“It’s okay,” Zach said quickly. “I know.”

They found themselves in front of a diner, and Zach was starving, so they went inside. Chris squinted in the brightness and stared at his menu for a long time.

“I’ll have a bowl of chocolate ice cream,” he told the waitress, and when she left Zach raised an eyebrow at him.

“What? I have sophisticated tastes.”

“Clearly.”

When the food came, they focused on that, and didn’t talk for a while, until Zach couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are we getting somewhere, Chris? Are we making progress?”

“You’re certainly chipping away at my defenses, if that’s what you mean,” Chris said with a half-smile.

Zach frowned. “That’s not what I want-“

“No, I know,” Chris said, serious again. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to put this on you. I mean, I’m right here with you. I just thought I’d built up these walls, you know? And it’s scaring me how easily I’m letting them break down.”

“Do you want to stop doing this?”

“No. I don’t. There’s just so much more at stake now. In the limo…I almost forgot the rest of our lives, Zach. I could’ve just…yeah. But, that’s not what we’re trying to do, right? We want to fix this, all of this. It’s a rather daunting prospect.”

“Three dinners isn’t enough?” Zach asked with a smile.

Chris laughed. “That’s the thing. It almost feels like it could be.”

“But what if we’re wrong?”

“Exactly. What if just wanting you to be there isn’t enough to magically make all the crap from before disappear.”

“Things have changed. We’ve changed. And we _want_ to make it work. Right?”

“Right.”

“Chris, did you mean what you just said? About…wanting me to be there?”

“Here’s the thing, Zach,” Chris said, his eyes fixed on the table between them. “The truth is, I’ve never really thought about being with anyone else. Not seriously. I’ve only ever thought about being with you, or not being with you. I’m not sure I could find room in my heart for anyone else.”

Zach reached across the table to place a finger gently under Chris’s chin, tilting him up until Chris was looking him in the eye. “So let me back in.”

 **Erosion**

“Do you think we should request Jesse to be in Mrs. Garvey’s class instead of Mr. Roch’s?”

“What?” Zach looked up from his laptop. “Why?”

Chris sat across from him at the kitchen table, peering at the extensive file for Morningcrest Elementary School. “Because she went to Stanford, and Mr. Roch just went to USC.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. Don’t you want him to have a good teacher?”

“I’m sure they’re both good teachers, Chris. It’s _first grade_. You sound like a snob.”

“I’m going to call and put in the request.”

Zach rolled his eyes. “Why do you even bother asking me? Seriously. Just make the fucking decisions yourself if you’re so hung up about it. Otherwise you’re just going to go behind my back and do what you want anyway.”

Chris put the phone down without dialing and looked at him. “Maybe if you put some thought into my questions, I would give your opinions a little more consideration.”

“Oh shut up, Chris. Don’t act like you think I don’t care when you know I do.”

“Do you? Half the time you’re not even here for me to ask you for your opinion anyway.”

“Yeah, well. As much as I love to come home to your nightly interrogations, I’m also capable of having a life. And before you say anything, I would love to have you there with me, Chris, I really would. And I’m not talking about going out every night or whatever you’re thinking. I’m saying, come with me to something…to JJ’s premiere this weekend, let people know you’re still alive.”

Chris sighed. “I don’t think so, Zach.”

“Are you serious? You seriously won’t do this one thing for me.”

“I was planning to take the boys to the circus on Saturday night.”

“What, really?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re planning to take them there without me,” Zach said, disbelief written across his face.

“I knew you had JJ’s thing.”

“So, there are other times we could go, Chris, Jesus.”

“When?” Chris asked smugly, as he watched Zach scroll through his calendar.

“Like…next Sunday.”

“Jesse has a t-ball game. How come that’s not on your calendar?”

“Probably because you didn’t tell me about it because you assumed I wouldn’t be there.”

“Well, you haven’t been at the last three.”

“Chris.” Zach fisted a hand in his hair. “I’m not doing this on purpose, okay, but you are. What are you doing? Are you trying to take these things away from me, out of…out of spite? What do you want from me?”

“I want you to be here, Zach, not running all over the place posing for pictures-“

“What the fuck? Chris, do you even know me, that’s not what this is about. This is about getting myself out there and doing the work that I want to do. It’s the same thing I’ve always wanted and I’ve always said I was going to do, so don’t act like this is coming as any big surprise to you.”

“Fine. We won’t go to the circus.”

“Will you come to JJ’s thing with me?”

“No, Zach, so stop asking, okay?”

“Chris, do you even like me anymore? You say you want me here but it’s like…we can’t even talk to each other without snapping, we haven’t even had sex in a week, we haven’t had _good_ sex in…in…” Zach gestured in the air and gave up, slumping back in his seat.

“I still love you,” Chris said, his jaw set, stubborn.

Zach looked at him and shook his head. “That’s not the same thing. And I’m not sure it’s enough.”


	5. Gavin / Broken / Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An end, and a beginning.

**Gavin**

“Should we look at the list again?” Chris asked. They were grabbing dinner in the hospital cafeteria, after the nurse had threatened to physically escort them there if Chris didn’t stop asking for updates every five minutes.

“You still carrying that around?”

“Yeah.” Chris pulled out the crinkled list of potential names and looked at it intently. “Did you show Joe this list?” he asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Because someone wrote Joseph Awesomepants Quinto on here. Just a guess.”

Zach laughed. “I’d take that into consideration.”

“You’d take anything into consideration.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re the only person on earth who would name their dog Noah and then suggest naming their son Lucky.”

“What, I like that name!”

“You’re confused. And then you wouldn’t even consider my suggestion.”

“Which was?”

“Christopher Zachary Pine Quinto Junior. We could call him CZ for short!”

“Chris, didn’t I give you a blowjob for promising never to suggest that name again?”

Chris smiled at the memory. “Fine. We could go with Zachary Christopher instead.”

**

"We're insane."

"You said that last time we were here."

"No, last time I _asked_ if we were insane. This time, I _know_ we are."

Zach knelt down next to Chris and rested his elbows on Chris's knees. "Hey." He reached up and took hold of Chris's chin, giving him a little shake. "We're awesome dads."

"I know, I know we are."

"Remember when Jesse was a baby?"

Chris closed his eyes and thought back to a blissful time when the words "stop licking the floor" did not cross his lips on a daily basis. He smiled. "Yeah," he said with a happy sigh.

"This is going to be great."

"I know," Chris said, and he leaned down to kiss Zach gently on the lips. They looked up together as they heard footsteps and the doctor said, "Okay, it's time."

**

“Which one of you wants to hold him first?” Chris stepped forward and the nurse set the baby gently in his arms. Chris’s smile lit up the room.

Zach stood close and they looked down at him together, at his little face and his eager, intelligent eyes.

“Gavin, right?” said Chris.

“Yeah. Definitely Gavin.”

“Hi, Gavin,” Chris cooed, trying it out.

“Hi, little Gavin,” Zach said. “We’re your dads.”

 **Broken**

One minute, Chris was screaming at Zach, letting everything out, everything he’d sworn he wouldn’t say, and he was pacing and ranting because he just _couldn’t_ get through to Zach, couldn’t get his point across, couldn’t make Zach listen and understand and _change_.

And then he was done, and he was standing in the middle of the room, his chest heaving, waiting for Zach to scream back at him.

The room was utterly silent for a long moment before Zach stood up, and Chris prepared himself for an onslaught of the calm, cutting remarks that Zach used like weapons. But instead of the composed cruelty that he almost wanted to see on Zach’s face, he saw only a resigned sadness, and he knew that this time, something was different.

“I can’t do this,” Zach said, and he walked out of the house.

**

Zach came back that night in time to tuck the boys in, but there was no make-up sex, and neither of them were too surprised a few days later when Zach signed the lease on a large two-bedroom apartment ten minutes away.

Zach gave Chris a copy of the key and said he didn’t want to do this, but they’d both stopped crying by the time Zach dragged his last suitcase out the front door.

Chris gave in and let the boys climb into bed with him four nights in a row, and debated the ethics of asking them not to tell their father. He didn’t, and it came back to bite him in the ass, as expected, when Zach called him the next week and started with, “I thought we agreed how important it is to maintain a routine.”

“I know, Zach. I’m sorry. It was just hard.”

“Yeah, I’m aware. Jesus, Chris, are you really going to tell _me_ how much it fucking sucks to sleep alone?”

“Sorry,” Chris said, chastened.

“I don’t want them to get confused about whose rules they’re supposed to be following, okay? This is important.”

“I know,” Chris said, rolling his eyes. He was pretty sure he’d been the one to come up with these ideas about consistency and routines and rules, and now Zach was lecturing him. It was ironic, but when it came right down to it, he couldn’t hold it against Zach for reminding him. It’s not like there was anyone else to do it.

 **Moment**

Chris paused at the bottom of the stairs, sniffed the air suspiciously, and turned toward the living room instead of the kitchen. He rested his hands on the back of the couch and stood quietly for a long moment, watching Zach sleep. He’d been out, Chris could tell by the faint smell of second-hand smoke and the product in his hair. He hadn’t even taken his leather jacket off before falling asleep on the couch. Chris wondered what time he’d let himself in, and stepped away quietly to put on the coffee.

The coffee wasn’t even finished before he found his way back to the living room. This time, Zach stirred, rubbed his eyes and looked sleepily up at Chris. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Sorry. I was out late. Thought I would just come by to see the boys off to school.”

“Yeah,” said Chris. He paused, then cracked a smile as he asked, “You know, I have managed to get them successfully to school for about three years now.”

“I know. I just like to be here.”

Chris walked around to the front of the couch and gestured for Zach to sit up a bit. He sat and tugged Zach back down by the shoulder until his head rested in Chris’s lap. Chris ran a hand through Zach’s hair and rested his other hand on Zach’s chest. He tipped his head back against the couch cushions and tried to figure out what was making his heart clench in his chest – the fact that he could feel his resistance slipping away, or the fact that he’d waited so long to give in.

“Come to dinner tomorrow night,” Chris said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You know that’ll be, like, our fourth date.”

Chris laughed. “Yeah. Momentous, I think.”

“I think,” Zach said, setting his hand over Chris’s where it rested on his chest.

“I love you.” Chris squeezed his eyes shut when he said it, wondering if the timing was right. They were doing this in a different order than before, but it was the right order, he thought, and it felt…momentous.

Zach had shifted a little to look up at him, waiting while he caught his breath, which seemed to have escaped him along with those words.

He reached up to touch his fingers to Chris’s cheek and he said, “Me too,” and Chris closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to the pad of Zach’s thumb.

“I’m going to go get the boys up,” Chris said, gently sliding out from under Zach’s shoulders and standing up. “There’s coffee if you want it.”


	6. A Bad Week / A Good Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It got worse, but then…

**A Bad Week**

It got worse before it got better.

Sometimes they’d start thinking things were okay, like when Zach suggested that the four of them take a weekend trip to San Diego to go to the zoo, and Chris actually considered it. Until he got a call from a friend giving him a heads up that Zach had answered a question about their relationship and their kids in an interview. And Chris almost hated to pick up the phone to start everything all over again, but of course he did, because it was one of their rules, and hadn’t Zach been the one talking about following rules?

On the other end of the phone, Zach’s apology and justifications came out weaker than he intended, and he floundered, frustrated that he’d lost his edge around Chris, that Chris could cut him down and make him feel it and convince him that he _was_ the uncaring asshole that Chris made him out to be.

And Chris hung up feeling like shit, only slightly justified shit knowing that Zach was on the other end of the line feeling worse, and then he took the boys out for dinner to make himself feel better, and the waitress gave him her number.

And then he called her on Tuesday night when the boys were with Zach and they went out and got drunk and had sex, and Chris left in the middle of the night and pulled over on the way home to throw up. And he couldn’t get it out of his head and all he wanted was to talk to Zach, to really _talk_ to him, but he stopped himself and stopped himself until 11 PM on Friday night. And when he called, Zach answered, and Chris wasn’t sure why the fuck he’d answered because it was obvious that he was out at a club, and Chris hung up and threw up again.

Then he locked his computer in the closet so he wouldn’t go looking for pap pics of Zach and whoever.

The next day he went looking for the key to the closet so he could get his computer back out, and he found it in the garage next to a box of pictures and memories of a life together, which he pushed to the floor in disgust, so that he had to look at each and every piece as he filled the box back up. And by the end of it he was sobbing and pissed and he punched a wall and it fucking hurt. And an hour later he had to call Zach and ask him to pick Jesse up from Patrick’s birthday party because he had to drive himself to the Emergency Room with a broken hand.

And when Zach called a few days later and asked if he could switch and have the boys on Wednesday instead of Thursday, instead of sobbing into the phone like he wanted to, Chris just said no, and Zach curled his lip and asked why Chris couldn’t be fucking flexible for once in his life, and slammed the phone down. And Chris made himself chocolate milk and watched Disney movies and iced his hand until it was time to pick up the kids. And that night he made himself take a few deep breaths and he pulled the covers up over his head and wondered if he should have just agreed to go to the fucking zoo.

 **A Good Night**

Gavin and Jesse spent most of dinner looking curiously between the two of them for signs of...something. It's not like the four of them hadn't had dinner before, but usually they were out, and usually their dads didn't smile at each other so much. And then there were the recent ice cream and movie outings with Uncle Joe, not that they were complaining, but Jesse had climbed under their sheet and sofa cushion fort and whispered to Gavin that Dad and Papa were on, like, _dates_ and now they were watching across the dinner table, wondering if those smiles meant their whispered hopes had come true.

**

“So, will you be treating us to any after-dinner theater this evening?” Zach asked, setting his fork down.

Jesse grinned and nodded enthusiastically and Chris told them they could be excused. Jesse grabbed Gavin by the wrist and yanked him off to the bedroom for rehearsal.

“Wine?” Chris asked, pushing his chair back.

“Obviously,” Zach responded, grabbing the plates and following Chris to the kitchen.

They carried their wine glasses to the couch and Zach slid an arm around Chris, breathing a small sigh of relief when Chris inched closer instead of pulling away. They talked softly and laughed and that was how Gavin and Jesse found them an hour later, Zach murmuring into Chris’s ear and Chris playing idly with Zach’s hand where it rested in on his shoulder.

“Hey, look who’s back!” Zach said, straightening up when he saw the boys watching them from across the room, mouths slightly agape in surprise. Zach smiled a little at their expressions. “What have you got for us?”

They recovered quickly and took the “stage” in front of the couch, as Jesse announced, “Okay, I’m a lion trainer, and Gavin is the lion. And, um, we’re a traveling circus and we’re in Romania!”

“Romania? Where do they get this stuff?” Chris whispered to Zach.

“No idea,” Zach replied with a shrug, and they leaned back to watch the show.

**

“Bravo, bravo,” Zach shouted as they clapped wildly for the performance. To be honest, it had been pretty impressive, despite Chris having to step in and draw the line at the use of actual ketchup to represent blood after Gavin mauled Jesse.

The boys jumped on the couch next to them and Gavin climbed on to Chris’s lap. “Papa, can Dad stay over tonight, _pleeeease_?”

Chris raised an eyebrow and looked at Zach. “I guess so, as long as he doesn’t mind sharing a bunkbed with you,” he said, winking.

“Yeah! Dad, stay in our room!”

“No way,” Zach said. “You guys snore.”

“No we don’t,” Jesse corrected him tolerantly. “YOU do.”

“I do, it’s true. So we’ll just have to make sure you fall asleep first. Come on, I’ll read you something nice and boring.”

“Like Harry Potter!”

“Yeah, Harry Potter!”

“Harry Potter is not boring.”

“We promise to fall asleep,” pleaded Gavin.

“You promise? Okay, fine. Harry Potter until you fall asleep. Papa, did you slip them the sleeping potions in their dinner tonight?”

“Sure did.”

“Great. Let’s go!”

**

Chris woke up when he heard his bedroom door open, and he propped himself up on his elbows to look at Zach. The clock on the bedside table said 1:30 AM.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Zach said softly, as the door clicked shut behind him.

“You know, you didn’t actually have to sleep in the bunk bed.”

“I fell asleep,” Zach confessed.

“Comfy, right?”

“Yeah, but…”

“C’mere.” Chris lifted the blanket and Zach slid under the covers and into his arms.


	7. First Kiss / Family Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting over.

**First Kiss**

Zach slid under the covers, and they wrapped themselves around each other and held each other close for a long, quiet moment.

Zach was the first to break the silence, whispering Chris’s name with a tremor in his voice to match his furiously beating heart.

They pulled apart only enough to rest their foreheads together, hands roaming over stubbled cheeks, noses brushing as anticipation knotted in their stomachs.

“Why do I feel like I’m about to have my first kiss?” Chris whispered with a smile.

“This is better,” Zach breathed, and their lips met tentatively, tongues slid together gently, and it was softer, sweeter than their real first kiss. They didn’t crash into each other this time so much as fall together, into the kiss, into the moment. Into their future.

The kiss was deeper now, their bodies pressed closer, breathing forgotten, letting go unthinkable. Chris was hard and aching in his boxers and he knew Zach was too, could feel the shaky rhythm of his hips as Zach ground against his thigh. Zach broke the kiss, panting hotly against Chris’s neck, saying his name, saying “I missed you, Chris, god, I missed you.” Chris closed his eyes and arched into Zach and he wasn’t sure how to ask for what he wanted, but Zach was saying, “I know, baby, I know,” and dropping kisses onto Chris’s chest, already damp with sweat. His hands roamed over Chris’s sides and he wanted to stop there, wanted to explore every inch of him, to remember the taste of his sweat, to leave bitemarks on his skin like the ones he’d once thought would never fade. But he didn’t stop, didn’t tease, because he also wanted what Chris wanted, and they’d both waited far too long.

To say Chris had missed Zach’s mouth more than anything might be to overstate the case. But over the past few weeks, as he and Zach had gotten closer, Chris had started allowing himself to remember – the heat of Zach’s lips, that reverent tongue, the way Zach moaned around him like he was the one getting off. He’d spilled over his hand thinking about it, but it wasn’t the same as _this_ \- _this this this_ , Zach’s tongue swiping across the tip, sliding wetly down his length, sloppy and calculated, and then the heat of Zach’s mouth around him, finally, finally. Zach clutched at Chris’s hips and squeezed his eyes shut, too in the moment to even shoot Chris that seductive gaze that always had him shuddering with desire. For now, _this_ was enough, the taste of Chris on his tongue and the sound of his ragged breathing, and he knew it wouldn’t last long. Chris whimpered softly and came hard and Zach swallowed, tasting memories on the back of his tongue.

Zach scrambled up the bed before the taste was gone and plunged his tongue into Chris’s mouth. And Chris’s hand was just where he had thought it would be, and he pressed into it as Chris tightened his fist around Zach’s cock. Chris held his hand still, let Zach pump into it the way he liked. Zach tried to tell him how fucking good he felt, but Chris swallowed his words in a messy kiss and it didn’t matter anyway, because he knew. Then Chris did that thing with his hand that Zach had spent a year trying to recreate and two years trying to forget, but it only took one second for Chris to pull him apart, tears blurring his eyes as he came over Chris’s hand.

They came down together, with sweet kisses and soft laughter and moony gazes into each others’ eyes, until they could barely keep them open anymore. And the blanket tangled around their legs as they tried to remember how not to sleep alone.

Zach maneuvered himself against Chris’s side, and his hand brushed against something under the pillow. He pulled out a thick sheaf of papers, held together with a binder clip. “What’s this?”

“Oh. Um. Actually, that reminds me of a question that I had for you.”

Chris eased the papers from Zach’s hand and set them on the floor beside the bed. He lay back and pulled Zach close and Zach snuggled in against him before he asked, “What’s the question?”

“I was just wondering…how do you feel about Tunisia?”

 **Family Meeting**

Zach was lying on his side when he awoke, so used to sleeping alone that for a moment he forgot that he was in Chris’s bed, that he was _home_. But then the door creaked open and Gavin poked his head in, and Zach gave silent thanks for having the foresight to throw on his tanktop and a pair of Chris’s pajama pants sometime during the night.

“Hey buddy,” Zach said quietly, patting the bed beside him. Gavin climbed up and snuggled in beside him, and said “How come you didn’t stay in our room last night, Dad?”

Zach smiled and leaned close to Gavin’s ear and said, “I couldn’t sleep. You guys snore.” Gavin smiled and Zach heard Chris stir behind them, felt Chris’s hand come to rest on his hip as he peered over Zach’s shoulder.

“Morning,” Chris said with a sleepy smile.

“Morning, Papa,” Gavin said, and it took every ounce of Zach’s strength not to turn his head and kiss Chris, to tell Gavin to go back to sleep so he could take his father into his arms again, just to make sure last night hadn’t been a dream.

Chris reached over Zach to run his hand through Gavin’s hair. It was too early for Gavin to protest, which is why Chris still grabbed these precious moments when he could. “Hey Gav? Why don’t you go wake your brother up. I think this is a good time for a little family meeting. Maybe Dad’ll even make us some hot chocolate.”

“Okay,” Gavin said, dutifully sliding off the bed. When the door clicked shut behind him, Zach turned onto his back to look up at Chris, running a hand over his cheek as Chris leaned down to kiss him.

“God, Zach. Waking up to this, to you, I just…” Chris touched his hand to his chest, because he couldn’t find the words, and Zach just ran his hands over Chris’s skin and said, “I know, I know.” They kissed again and breathed each other in, and Zach looked pained to leave his arms as he pulled away, saying, “I’d better make that hot chocolate.”

*

They sat in a circle on the bed, Zach in the lotus position, and they had to take a five minute break with two near-spills as Gavin and Jesse struggled to imitate his pose. Finally, they gave up and settled for sitting cross-legged and clutching their mugs.

“So I know you guys have probably been wondering about your dad and I spending more time together recently. And we just wanted to talk to you a little bit about what that means and see if you have any questions, okay?” Wide-eyed, expectant nods. “Dad and I have been talking a lot, and we think that we might want to try…” Chris looked at Zach, who looked just as expectant as Gavin and Jesse, “being together again, as a family.” Chris was looking at the boys now, but he could almost hear Zach’s silent breath of relief.

“Do you love each other again?” Jesse asked.

Chris’s heart broke a little, but he covered it with a smile. “Well, I don’t think we ever really stopped loving each other,” he said, keeping his eyes on Jesse, but his hand scrabbled across the bed to find Zach’s, and Zach found it and squeezed in agreement. “We just didn’t do a very good job of communicating, and in a relationship that is just as important as love. But we’re going to try to do a better job now. We’re going to talk and listen to each other and we’re going to try harder.” He was speaking more for himself now, and he wondered if Zach could hear the tears he was holding back.

Gavin spoke quietly. “Um, are you guys still gonna be actors?”

Chris and Zach smiled at each other, and Zach answered. “Yes, we are, because that’s our job and that’s what we both love doing. Are you asking because that makes you nervous? Do you think that being actors made it hard for us to find time to talk and maybe that’s why we weren’t together?”

“Um, no, I just, um, I just wanted to make sure that you were both gonna have jobs still so you can still buy us stuff.”

Chris had to look away for a second to stifle his laugh and his eyes sparkled as he and Zach exchanged an amused glance. Zach ruffled Gavin’s hair and said, “Remind me to have a little talk about materialism with you, young man.” He chuckled. “Yes, we’re still going to have jobs, and we’re going to be actors, but we’re going to make sure that we make enough time for each other and for you guys, of course. So you let us know if you think we’re not doing that, okay?”

“You guys keep an eye on us, okay?” Chris added. “You can be, like, our watchmen, and you tell us if you don’t think we’re doing a good job communicating.”

Zach took a sip of his hot chocolate. “So do you guys have any other questions? Is there anything you want to ask us or tell us about how you’re feeling?”

Jesse considered the obvious questions, the whens and whys and hows. But he saw the looks on their faces, the fragile hope and optimism, ready to do whatever it would take to try again. Jesse saw his chance, and he twisted his fingers together, the picture of nervous innocence. “Well, I have one question,” he started.

Chris and Zach were looking at him expectantly, and he went for the kill.

“Can we get a dog?”

  
 **The** ~~End~~ **Beginning**


	8. Departure / In Tunisia / Retreat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris brings the family on location.

**Departure**

“….and my dad’s gonna be my teacher, and we’re going to ride on camels!”

Zach leaned on the doorframe, keeping out of sight as he listened to Jesse finish his goodbye speech to the class. When he heard the teacher thanking Jesse, he stepped inside.

“Dad!” Jesse beamed at him, and he smiled back proudly.

“Hey buddy. You ready to go?”

“Yeah!” Zach took Jesse’s backpack from him as Mrs. Gautier put a hand on his shoulder.

“Mr. Quinto, you picked up the curriculum for the rest of the semester, right?”

“Yep, I’ve got it all packed up. Even the math,” he said, giving Jesse a mock-glare. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Gautier, I’ll make sure he keeps up to speed with everything.”

“I know you will. Okay, class, say bye to Jesse!”

“BYE JESSE!” replied a chorus of fifth graders. Jesse grinned and skipped out of the classroom into the hall.

“Dad, you don’t have to hold my hand,” Jesse grumbled, as they exited the school into the parking lot.

“Oh yeah?” said Zach, letting go. “Well what am I supposed to do then, hold your ear?” He tweaked Jesse’s ear playfully and stuck his tongue out when Jesse ducked away. “Alright, I won’t hold your hand. But if you get run over by a car, don’t come limping to me. And if you lose a leg, don’t come hopping to me, either.”

“Daaaad,” Jesse groaned, but he walked a little closer to Zach until they got to the car.

**

“Papa, what does ‘voluptuous’ mean?”

Chris raised an eyebrow and looked over Jesse’s head at Zach. “Zach, what is he reading?”

“Um, I think it’s Clive Cussler. What, it’s about adventures and intrigue!” he said defensively. “He said he wanted to read a grown-up book. It’s not like it’s a Harlequin romance.”

“What’s a Harlequin romance?”

Chris chuckled. “Hey Zach, maybe you should do that thing where you stop talking.”

“I think you’re right,” Zach muttered, before turning to Jesse. “Voluptuous means curvy and full-figured.”

Jesse made a disgusted face and turned back to the book.

“How much longer, Papa?” Gavin piped up from across the aisle.

“Gavin, what did I tell you about this flight?”

“That it’s going to last forever.”

“Exactly. So when forever is over, you can ask me again. Until then, you might as well make yourself at home.” Gavin nodded intently and shut his mouth. Chris leaned across the aisle and poked him.

“Hey. You wanna see if Dad’ll break out the fruit snacks?”

Gavin nodded eagerly.

“Ask him.”

“Daaaaad,” Gavin said. Zach looked over and gave Chris a look like he knew who was instigating this.

“Daaaad,” whined Chris, with a wink in Zach’s direction. “We want fruit snacks.”

“Yeah, Dad, we want fruit snacks!” said Gavin.

Jesse looked up from his book. “Did you bring the good ones?”

“All three of you are huge pains in my butt, I just want you to know that," Zach grumbled as he reached for his bag.

“More like pains in your huge butt,” Chris said, grinning as the boys laughed hysterically.

“No fruit snacks for you, mister,” Zach said, handing one to Jesse and tossing one across the aisle to Gavin.

“Please,” Chris said, batting his eyelashes and reaching over Jesse’s head to grab the bag out of Zach’s hand. Zach grabbed his wrist and tugged him closer and they kissed chastely over Jesse’s head.

“Ew!” Jesse said, ducking. Chris and Zach looked at each other and leaned down simultaneously to kiss Jesse on the cheeks as he shrieked and batted at them.

Across the aisle, Gavin watched the spectacle as he munched on his fruit snacks, amused. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s why I wanted to sit over here.”

 **In Tunisia**

“It’s too FUCKIN- it’s too _fucking_ hot for this, Zach,” Chris said, dropping his voice to a whisper as Zach gestured frantically to the thin walls of their apartment. “Sorry.”

“Fine. Let’s just go to sleep then, and we can talk about it later.”

Chris sat on the edge of the bed and rested his head in his hands. “I fucking hate this, Zach. Why are we fighting again? I thought we had this all figured out.” He kept his voice low and his back to Zach.

“I don’t know,” Zach said, and he didn’t. It wasn’t like any of this was unexpected – Chris had long hours, the boys missed home, Zach had exhausted what he’d thought was an extensive list of “ways to make homeschooling fun”, and they were all on edge. And hot. So very, very hot. So hot that Chris and Zach had spent every night lying in the bed trying _not_ to touch each other – and that was before they’d even started fighting.

Chris lay down on the bed, exhausted. His arm bumped against Zach’s, damp with sweat, and they both flinched away.

**

Joe climbed out of the cab and just managed to pay the driver and set his bag down before he was tackled by two very enthusiastic and very dusty children.

“Ooof! Hey guys!”

“Hi, Uncle Joe,” they said, and Joe looked over their heads at Chris and Zach, chuckling at the desperation that he saw there.

“Hi guys,” he said, a grin playing at his lips. “Am I right in thinking that I’m not really here to spend quality time with the two of you?”

Zach stepped in to grab him a bear hug, turned his head to say in a low voice, “Just hang out with them for the weekend, Joe, _please_. We need this.”

Joe shook his head but laughed and slapped Zach on the back. “Of course, bro. Of course. You guys take a few days, okay? Go somewhere.”

Zach’s shoulders dropped as he smiled in relief and he caught Chris’s eye and matching smile. “We’ve already got a place booked,” he confessed.

“It has _air conditioning_ ,” Chris said in awe, stepping closer to give Joe a hug.

“The boys can show me around, I assume? Teach me the local customs?”

“Yeah, they can. This neighborhood, at least. They run around like little street rats. Zach has no control over them whatsoever.”

“Shut up,” Zach said, punching Chris lightly in the shoulder. “It’s called _cultural immersion_. It’s the best way to learn.”

“I’ll take your word for it, Professor.”

**

Gavin and Jesse entered their room as Chris and Zach were zipping up their suitcases. The boys looked serious.

“What’s up, guys?” Chris asked. Zach straightened up and they both gave the boys their full attention.

“Well,” Gavin started, “we’re the watchmen, right?”

“Yeah…” Chris said. Why did he have a feeling he knew where they were going with this?

“We think that, um-“ Gavin glanced at Jesse for reassurance, which he got in the form of an approving nod, “that you need to communicate more, okay? And don’t fight anymore.”

Zach nodded and sat down on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees. “Thank you, Gavin. We know we haven’t been doing the best job communicating lately and…that’s why Papa and I are going away for the weekend. We’re going to talk and figure out how we can stop fighting.”

“Okay,” Gavin said, nodding. “And you won’t leave, right Dad?”

Zach reached for Gavin’s hand and pulled him into a hug. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Was there something else, Jess?” Chris asked.

“Noooo…” Jesse said, biting his lip.

Gavin pulled away from Zach and said “Yes there was!”

“Fine, you tell them.”

“No way! Jesse, you said!”

“Fine. Um, um…we also think you guys should kiss more.”

Zach’s jaw dropped and he didn’t look at Chris, too afraid he’d burst out laughing. Chris didn’t even bother hiding his astonishment. “What?!”

“Just, you’re always happy when you kiss. And you haven’t been happy, I think, so I just think…you should kiss more. But not TOO, too much,” Jesse added, just in case they got carried away.

Chris put a hand on Jesse’s shoulder. “Alright, watchmen. We’ll take your advice. While we’re away this weekend, we’ll talk _and_ kiss, and when we come back, we’ll try not to fight, okay? We promise to try our best,” he said, and he was looking at Zach when he said it. Zach stood and Chris took a step closer, and they pulled Gavin and Jesse in for a family hug.

They looked up in surprise as they felt another set of beefy arms wrapping around them, and Zach rolled his eyes.

“We’re kind of in the middle of something here, Joe.”

“I know. I felt left out.”

They stayed that way for a long moment, until Gavin’s high voice piped up from the middle. “You guys, I’m really hot in here. And Uncle Joe smells.”

 **Retreat**

When Chris and Zach arrived in their hotel room, the first thing they did was turn up the air conditioning. The second thing they did was fuck. And it was fucking, not making love, because it was hard and needy and it hurt a little and it left them both hot and reeling and too spent to fight, and it was exactly what they needed.

Zach climbed out of the bed and took a long hot shower, then he pulled on the fluffy terrycloth robe provided by the five-star establishment and lay on the bed for a while, watching Chris sleep.

Finally, he felt compelled to rouse him, pushing a few stray hairs from his forehead and saying “Chris, baby, wake up.” Chris opened his eyes and smiled at Zach and Zach felt a wave of happiness wash over him, and his first thought was to thank god that feeling was still there. “Take a shower. You’ll feel refreshed. And these robes are like fluffy clouds of joy.”

Chris stretched, smirked, and said, “I always knew you secretly wanted to be a Care Bear.” He didn’t even mind Zach smacking him on the ass as headed toward the bathroom.

**

“When I get home at the end of the day, I feel like…like I’m walking in on your life, like I’m interrupting something,” Chris was saying.

“Great, now you know what I felt like for the last three years.” Despite the air conditioning, Chris could feel the heat coming back, creeping up his cheeks and into Zach’s voice.

“I hate it. I don’t want to be the one out all day, coming home exhausted and cranky and not knowing what the fuck you guys are talking about half the time. I want to be there.”

“Is it that you want to be there, or that you don’t want me to be the one that’s there instead of you?”

Chris shook his head wearily. “No, I’m glad you’re here, Zach. I am.”

“What can I do, Chris? What can I do to make it better?”

“Let me quit.”

“Fuck no,” Zach said with a half-smile. “You have to make the money so you can buy us stuff, remember?”

Chris smiled ruefully. “Fine. Then just, hold me, and tell me that this is what you wanted. Remind me that my sons still love me even though I’m cranky and pissy and gone for fourteen hours a day. And tell me you’re going to stay.”

Zach stepped forward and pulled Chris into his arms, running his hands over the plush softness of the robe he’d refused to change out of all day. “Oh Chris,” Zach murmured, “you have no idea how much I want this. _I_ am the one who should be worried. You let me back in, and sometimes I wonder if I pushed too hard, too soon. It just all feels so fragile and I don’t want this to break again.”

“I can’t,” Chris said, and it was a broken sob into Zach’s robe. “I can’t do that again, Zach, I swear, I can’t do this without you. I need you.”

“I need you too, Chris,” Zach said, and he held him tighter even though it was impossible.

**

“So, what are we going to tell the watchmen?” Chris asked. They lay side by side on the bed, hands resting lazily on bare skin, a pleasant buzz still running through them both. _That_ had been making love.

“Let’s tell them that if they can put up with your cranky ass for six more weeks, when we get home, we’re going to get that puppy.”

“They’ll flip.”

“Yeah, they will.”

“God, six more weeks. Why does that sound like fucking forever?”

“I don’t know,” said Zach, touching his fingers to Chris’s cheek and kissing him softly on the lips. “But forever doesn’t sound so bad to me.”


	9. Mistake / Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past and future.

**Mistake**

Chris held the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he buckled Gavin into the backseat and handed him a bucket.

“Zach, hey. Don’t freak out, okay, but Gav is really sick and I’m taking him to the Emergency Room. Yeah. He’s been barfing for like four hours and he’s got a fever. I called Dr. Marin, she said to just go ahead and take him in. Katie’s gonna meet us there and take Jesse for the night, just in case I have to stay. Yeah, that’s what I meant. I figured. Alright, well, we’ll see you there.”

*

“What, _right now_?”

“We have to take him into surgery right away. You’re lucky you brought him in when you did or his appendix could have burst during the night.”

Chris had his hands over his mouth and he took a few deep breaths. Zach watched him, shoved his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t reach out and touch. He nodded at the doctor. “Can we see him first?”

“Of course. Come with me.”

*

Gavin gave them a weak smile from the hospital bed. His face was pale and his dark hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat. His head looked tiny on the white pillow.

“Hey, buddy,” Zach said, leaning over the side of the bed to give Gavin a kiss on the cheek. “How’s your tummy?”

“Hurts,” he said, squirming a little. His dark eyes glanced from Chris to Zach and back and he whispered, “Sorry, Papa.”

Chris smiled a little and leaned past Zach, taking Gavin’s hand and saying “There’s nothing to be sorry about, Gav. The doctors are gonna give you some medicine to make you sleepy, then they’re gonna fix you all up, okay, and Daddy and I will be right here when you wake up, I promise. We’ll both be right here.”

*

Chris sat heavily in a chair, his face in his hands. Zach felt it, too, an aching in his chest like his heart had just been wheeled into the operating room. He stood nervously, glancing at Chris and the worn cushions of the dull green chairs and the pattern of the floor tiles, and he was struck by a dizzying memory of the last time they’d been here together, waiting to hold Gavin for the first time.

Zach sat down beside Chris, his legs suddenly shaky, and he reached over to rub gently between Chris’s shoulder blades, not certain which one of them he was trying to comfort. “Hey. Gavin’s going to be fine. The doctors know what they’re doing.” Chris drew in a shaky breath. “Come on, come here,” Zach said, sliding his arm up around Chris’s shoulders, and he could feel the moment Chris decided to give in, leaning into him, letting Zach pull him close. Zach brushed his thumb along Chris’s rough, unshaven cheek and a sudden wave of heat washed over him, a sharp, selfish feeling that had him leaning down to press a kiss to Chris’s jaw. The scrape of stubble under his lips took his breath away, but his heart nearly stopped when he felt Chris’s lips against his own, and a warm hand on his cheek.

Zach stood, abruptly, before they could deepen the kiss, and Chris rebelled against the loss of contact, reaching for his hand. Zach pulled him up, out of his chair, out of the waiting room, and glanced both ways down the hall before yanking him into a supply closet.

It was easier in the darkness, just mouths and tongues and hands and those breathy noises that Zach made and fuck, this was a bad idea. But Zach’s mouth was on his cock before he realized what they were doing, and by then it was too late, and it was all he could do to keep his knees from buckling. He heard Zach fumbling with his own fly, heard the soft sounds of Zach touching himself, and god it felt good, _Zach, fuck_ , but he kept his mouth shut and his head tipped back against the cool metal shelves. He let his fingertips ghost across Zach’s jaw, traced an ear and an eyebrow so he would remember, even though what he really needed was to forget. This was a bad idea, he told himself again, kept telling himself even as he felt Zach’s tongue slide along his dick, felt Zach’s cheeks hollow beneath his fingertips, and why did it have to feel so fucking good? It had been too long, and not long enough, and never again, and deep behind the burst of blinding ecstasy, he felt a sick, aching loss as he spilled down Zach’s throat.

“Thanks,” Chris said when he could speak, his eyes still closed.

Zach got to his feet, zipped himself up. He crossed his arms. “Feel better?”

Chris’s face crumpled a little. He swallowed and opened his eyes, glad again for the darkness. “Sure.” He zipped his jeans, ran a hand through his hair, and reached for the doorknob.

“Yeah, me neither,” murmured Zach.

Chris cracked the door open and peeked into the hall before stepping out into the bright fluorescent lights.

In the waiting room, Zach sat three chairs down from Chris and pulled out his phone. He stared so hard at the screen that by the time the doctor came out of the OR, the sight of falling colored blocks almost obscured the other images in his mind.

*

They sat on either side of the hospital bed, watching Gavin sleep. Zach reached out to brush his hair back from his forehead. “Our brave boy,” he said softly.

“Yeah he is,” Chris agreed with a smile, taking Gavin’s hand.

“The doctor said we can take him home tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“Can I stay with you? For a little while?”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Zach.”

“For the boys, Chris. Please.”

Chris ran a hand over his face and stood. “Fine. Sleep on the couch.”

“Right.”

“I’m getting coffee. You want some?”

“No thanks.”

 **Priorities**

“Hey dad-bros,” Jesse said, hopping over the couch to flop down next to them. “What are we watching?”

Zach raised an eyebrow. “Nothing, unless you make us popcorn.”

“Dad. Come on. I _just_ sat down.”

“Hey Zach, wasn’t there a documentary about the logging industry that you wanted to watch?”

“Ugh, _fine_ ,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes. “HEY GAVIN! COME MAKE US SOME POPCORN!”

“Don’t interrupt your brother,” Zach said, elbowing him lightly in the ribs. “I think he’s on the phone with a _girl_.”

“What, _Gavin_?” Disbelief was written across Jesse’s face, then he smirked a little. “Probably some school project or something.”

“Be nice. Speaking of school projects-“

“Whoa, hey, I just decided to make some popcorn!” Jesse said, jumping up from the couch and heading for the kitchen.

“This conversation’s not over,” Chris called over the back of the couch.

**

“Papa, please.”

“No.”

“ _Please!_ ”

“Still no.”

“One audition.”

“Jesse.”

“What?”

“Get up off the floor and write your applications.”

“Fine, but I’m applying to Carnegie Mellon. _And_ NYU.”

“You want to move across the country from your family?”

Jesse cracked an eye open. “Right now I do.”

Chris made a frustrated sound.

Jesse propped himself up on his elbows, his hair flopping in his eyes. “One audition. Dad already said-“

“I know what Dad said, Dad said to ask me, and that is not the same thing as ‘Dad said’.” Chris sat down cross-legged on the floor next to Jesse. “Jess, why are you so eager to do this now? Are you trying to be a Disney Channel star or something?”

“No,” Jesse said petulantly. “I want to be a serious actor. I want to do, like, dramas and stuff.”

“Uh huh. Well, you’ve got the dramatic part down,” Chris intoned, nudging Jesse’s hip with his foot.

“I don’t get it,” Jesse said, laying back down on the floor. “You and Dad got to follow your acting dreams, so why can’t I?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re aware that Dad and I both went to college _before_ we did that. Just what are you smoking that you think we’d let you get away with skipping that part?”

Jesse cracked a half smile. “What should I be smoking?”

“Nothing. Ever. Now come on, get up and start writing. If you finish three applications by Friday, I’ll let Dad take you to the _Ender’s Game_ premiere on Saturday night.”

Jesse sat up all the way. “What, are you serious?”

“Yup.”

His mouth dropped open for a second, before a mischievous gleam crept into his eyes. “Gavin’ll flip his shit.”

“Hey. Watch your language and be nice to your brother. And I’m serious, you’re not going if you don’t get those applications done. So get your ass in gear.”

Jesse scrambled to his feet, slapping Chris on the shoulder as he stood. “Watch _your_ language, Pops. And get out of my room. I need to focus.”

“So ungrateful,” Chris muttered, but he was smiling as he stood up from the bedroom floor and headed out the door.

“You’re the best, Papa!” he heard Jesse call behind him.

“Yeah, yeah.”


	10. Hey, You / Asleep / Parenting Skillz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe they saw it coming.

**Hey, You**

 _“Just dinner. That’s all I’m asking.”  
“That’s all you were asking fourteen years ago, and I think we both know how that turned out.”_

Zach stepped out of the bathroom in his trailer, lost in thought, and spent five minutes answering texts on his cell phone before he realized that Chris was standing in the doorway, watching him.

“Hey, stalker.”

Chris blushed and toed the ground. “Look, I...I wanted to apologize about last night. I was really drunk, and I think I might have been a little...overenthusiastic.”

“What’s that mean?” Zach asked, opening the mini-fridge and grabbing a couple bottles of water to toss into his gym bag. “You saying you didn’t actually mean it when you threw your arms around my neck and said you’d go anywhere with me, even, and I quote, ‘to Gaytown’?”

Chris winced. “I said that?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Sorry. Wow. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Drinking, you know. It lowers the inhibitions.” Zach shut the fridge door with his hip and leaned against it. “Makes people say what they’ve been thinking.” He looked at Chris with an eyebrow raised and Chris reddened a little under his scrutiny.

“Um. I wasn’t...it’s not like I’ve been...thinking that. About you. Or anything.”

“Right. So, you wanna go, or what?”

“Go where?”

“To Gaytown.” Zach said, smirking.

Chris laughed despite himself. “You’re taking my drunken declarations pretty seriously here, Quinto.”

“Yeah, you know, now that you mention it, I’m pretty sure I’m not the first guy you’ve said that to. Not sure it’s always accompanied by the sloppy humping though.” He straightened up, slung his bag over his shoulder. “But anyway, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Chris bit his lip, and Zach wondered if maybe he should have assumed.

“Or, we could just go to dinner.”

“What, like a date?”

Zach shrugged. “If you want. Or just dinner.”

“We have dinner all the time.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“So it’s different this time?”

Zach smiled. “If you want it to be.”

*

“Thanks, man,” Chris said when they pulled up in front of his place. He put a hand on the door handle.

Zach raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s not usually how I end my dates, Chris.”

Chris looked back at him, swallowed nervously. “Oh. Uh...you wanna come inside? Play some Wii?”

“Play some Wii?” Now the eyebrow was accompanied by a smile twitching at Zach’s lips.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, okay, Chris. Let’s go inside. Let’s play some Wii.”

Chris felt relief wash over him, but it was immediately supplanted by a nervous fluttering in his stomach. He opened the car door.

  
Inside the apartment, Chris focused his sights on the Wii console next to the TV, made himself walk across the room. He stood in front of it for a second, listening as Zach took a few more steps and came to a stop behind him.

“What do you want to play?” he asked, painfully aware that his voice was shaking.

“Chris.” Zach’s voice was soft and magnetic and Chris turned toward him, and they moved to close the space between them, lips and bodies crashing against each other. Their eyes were closed and they clutched at each others’ shirts as they kissed, hot and messy and awkward, and Chris wondered why Zach was smiling, because it felt like this was the most serious thing that he had ever done in his life.

But Zach pulled back and he was cupping Chris’s face in his hands and kissing the corners of his lips and saying “God, Chris, thank god.”

Chris furrowed his brows and said, “Thank god what?” and Zach smiled and said “Thank god you’re kissing me right now.”

They went into the bedroom then, kissing unceasing little kisses across cheeks and necks and shoulders. And they were laughing, and later that’s what they would remember most, the giddy laughter, as Zach tripped Chris onto the bed, as Chris relaxed underneath him when Zach ran a palm across his stomach, tight with nerves. Chris lay back and let Zach lick deep into his mouth, and he moaned and touched Zach blindly, and he couldn’t help but clutch and squeeze at his arms and shoulders and around the back of his neck like he’d never been able to before. He felt Zach move, opened his eyes to see him sliding down, a hand working at his fly, and Zach licked his lips and smiled. Chris felt a flood of nerves again, heard himself say “Zach, I don’t know…” Zach pressed a kiss to his hipbone and looked up at him and said, “Hey. Hey, relax,” and his voice was soothing, and Chris took a deep breath.

“Hey, Zach?”

“Yeah?”

“Is this how you usually end your dates?”

Zach scrambled up over him and looked at him, and now he was serious as he kissed Chris, softly, for a long time, and when he pulled away it was only to whisper in his ear, “I don’t want this one to end.”

 **Asleep**

Zach shut the door quietly behind him as he walked into the house. He followed the sound of the TV into the living room and paused in the doorway, a smile playing on his lips. Chris was sprawled across the length of the couch, fast asleep, with Gavin curled on top of him, as the credits of _Land Before Time_ scrawled across the TV. Jesse was tangled in a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor, asleep with his hand in the half-empty bowl of popcorn next to him. Zach’s heart swelled a little with love at the sight, and he stepped inside, leaning over the couch to pick up the remote and switch off the TV.

His eyes darted up to Chris’s face, lingered there for a long moment until a wave of heartache crashed over him. For a second he’d almost been able to imagine that when Chris woke up, everything would stay like this – peaceful and calm and perfect. But he could already see the arguments spinning out before them, full of passive aggressive comments and snarled jabs and things that he didn’t want to say, that he regretted saying the moment they left his mouth and one hundred times more when he saw in Chris’s face that they had worked. But he still said them, and he’d say them again and he’d let Chris’s words get to him, and he’d let Chris’s silence and his pointed looks get to him, and he could see the set of his jaw and the accusing blue gaze even in Chris’s sleeping face, and he tore his eyes away.

Zach knelt to lift Jesse from his nest of blankets, trying not to wake him. Jesse grumbled and wrapped his arms around Zach’s neck, then he was asleep again, his chin digging into Zach’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Zach whispered, nudging at Chris’s arm with his knee. “I’m home. Wake up.”

Chris made an “mmff” sound and squinted up at him. “Hi.”

Zach shifted Jesse in his arms and nodded at Gavin, where he lay curled against Chris’s chest. “Let’s get these monkeys to bed.”

Chris nodded and sat up, taking Gavin in his arms, and together they headed up the stairs and down the hall to the boys’ room.

*

Chris was already in bed when Zach came back into the bedroom from brushing his teeth. Zach slipped under the covers on his stomach, reached over to turn out the light, and propped himself up on his elbows. He looked at Chris in the darkness.

“What?” Chris asked, not moving his head from the pillow.

Zach held his gaze for a second longer and leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips. “Night,” he said, turning away.

Chris closed his eyes against the sight of Zach’s back and the space between them. “Night.”

 **Parenting Skillz**

“So, were you aware that Jesse has some sort of misguided idea that we’re going to let him audition for something this year?” Chris had an amused look on his face as he posed the question to Zach.

“That explains a lot,” Zach said, rolling his eyes.

“What?”

“I caught him yesterday with my phone, _calling Rosalind_. I asked him what the hell he thought he was doing and he said that he, and I quote, ‘needed representation’.”

Chris laughed. “Oh god. What are we going to do with him?”

“Well, we could let him-“

“Hell no. No, Zach. Are you kidding me? No.”

“So…that’s a no then?” Zach asked, his eyes twinkling. He put his hands on Chris’s hips and gave him a long kiss on the lips.

“What did _you_ say to him, or should I be afraid to ask?” Chris grumbled, but he turned his head to the side to let Zach press kisses along his jaw and bite softly at his neck.

“No worries,” Zach said into his skin, smiling. “I just told him to ask you.”

“Oh, thanks a lot. Jerk.” He turned to meet Zach’s lips, opened his mouth to slide their tongues together and the kiss was calm and lazy and perfect. “I had an idea,” Chris said, pulling away.

“Brilliant,” Zach murmured, chasing Chris’s lips again.

“I haven’t even told you what it is yet,” Chris said, laughing and turning his head, so that Zach’s lips brushed against his cheek instead.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s brilliant.” Zach kissed him on the temple, kept his lips pressed there as Chris spoke.

“Why don’t you take Jess to the _Ender’s Game_ premiere next week? Maybe we can use it as bribery so he gets some college applications done.”

“Mmmm,” Zach mused into Chris’s hair. “That actually is brilliant.” He pulled back a little so he could look at Chris. “You don’t want to go with me?”

“I mean, yeah, I would, you know I would, but I think he’d really enjoy it. You guys could have special bonding time or whatever. I’ll do something with Gavin, it’ll be nice.”

“JJ will miss you. He’ll make that face at me.”

“He’ll make that face at you because the appearance of Zachary Quinto and his devastatingly handsome son on the red carpet will take everyone’s attention off his little movie,” Chris said with a wink.

“Very true. Alright, well, I think it’s a good idea. Let’s do it.”

“Just…don’t let him make out with any starlets, okay? And no parties – I don’t need my son inheriting his father’s taste for cosmos.”

Zach rolled his eyes and shut Chris up with a kiss, hands creeping up to cup his face. The front door slammed open, and they heard Jesse say, “Ew, you guys. Not in front of the kids.”

Chris pulled away and looked at him with a smirk. “Aww, Jess, I thought you wanted us to kiss more!”

“But not TOO, too much,” Zach added, grinning.

“Oh my god, are you _ever_ going to let me live that down?”

“Nope!” Chris said cheerfully, as Zach chuckled behind him.

“I have residual childhood trauma from that, I’ll have you know,” Jesse said, flouncing out of the room.

“Good,” Zach called at his back, “You can channel it into your portrayal of tragic characters!”

“Did our son just flounce?” Chris asked, shaking his head.

Zach laughed and pulled Chris in for a hug. “Maybe he will be inheriting my taste in cosmos after all.”


	11. Yes / Decisions / Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Figuring it out.

**Yes**

The wrap party was in full swing, and Zach was so buzzed on friends and happiness and cosmos that it took him a while to even wonder what Chris was up to. He was there, an arm around Zach’s waist, a peck on his cheek, then he was gone again, and Zoe would disappear with him, or Karl, or JJ. But Zach didn’t really care, he was enjoying himself, and Chris would catch his eye and smile at him from across the room before he leaned closer to Karl to whisper something in his ear. Zach furrowed his brow for a second, but he shook it off, and then Zoe pulled the drink from his hand and asked him why he looked so distracted.

“Oh, um, no, nothing, everything’s fine.” He looked at the bar, then back at her. “Why did you take my drink?”

She smiled like she was about to answer, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder and Chris’s warm breath on his ear. “Come out on the balcony with me,” he whispered.

“Okay, sure. But I need a drink.”

Chris slid his hand down Zach’s arm and tugged at his wrist. “Come on, I’ll get you a drink later, come make out with me,” he said, smiling, and Zach couldn’t resist an invitation like that.

*

A warm breeze hit them as they stepped onto the balcony. Zach leaned against the railing and drew Chris into his arms, and they kissed quietly for a few minutes before Chris pulled away to rest his chin on Zach’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe filming is over,” he said quietly.

“Me neither.”

Chris’s heart was pounding in his chest and he swallowed hard. “You know, since it’s the end and everything, I thought-

“Well, it’s not really the end,” Zach said, leaning back to look at him. “I mean, there’s still tons of stuff to do, and all the press stuff and-“

“Zach.”

“What?”

“Shut up for a minute.”

Zach closed his mouth obediently.

“It’s the end of filming, but I was thinking…well, I thought that this might be a good time to start-“ he took a deep breath “-to start the rest of our lives together-“ he risked a look at Zach to catch a glimpse of his eyes widening. Chris dropped one hand from around Zach’s neck and reached down to tangle their fingers together. “If you want…I mean, do you…I mean, _will_ you spend the rest of your life with me, Zach?”

Zach’s mouth was hanging open a little and it took him a second to speak. “Are you…are you seriously asking me to….to…”

“Yeah. To…yeah.”

Zach pulled Chris in, hugged him tighter than maybe he ever had before, and said “Yes, Chris, god, yes.” He felt Chris shudder a little in his arms and tipped his head back to see a tear sliding down his cheek. His own eyes felt moist and he kissed Chris on the lips, smiling.

“Sorry,” Chris said, pulling a corner of his sleeve across his face. “I didn’t know what you’d say. I was really nervous,” he confessed.

“You really didn’t know what I’d say?” Chris shook his head, and Zach murmured in his ear, “Silly bear.” Chris sniffed and buried his smile in Zach’s shoulder. “So I guess it would surprise you to know that I was planning an elaborate proposal?”

“Shut up.” Chris gaped at him.

“I’m serious. You beat me to it, fucker.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Now I don’t have to pay for the interpretive dancers.”

Chris laughed at that. “I love you, Zach.”

“I love you, too.” He kissed Chris on the lips and pulled back with a sigh. “Are you going to make me go back in there and admit what I just agreed to?”

“Yep. You ready?”

“So ready.”

*

Everyone was waiting for them, watching expectantly when they stepped back inside. Chris raised their joined hands in victory. “He said yes!”

The room broke out into cheers and Karl popped a bottle of champagne and Chris kissed Zach on his flushed cheek. Karl came over with glasses for them and said, “Stop smiling so hard, you two, your faces might freeze like that.”

“Such a dad,” Chris said.

Zach squeezed his hand a little harder, and Chris squeezed back.

 **Decisions**

“Alright, come on guys, let’s go brush our teeth.”

Chris helped Gavin squirt the right amount of bubblegum toothpaste onto his brush and they brushed their teeth together, making frothy faces in the mirror.

“Is Dad going to read to us?” Gavin asked.

“Gavin, you’re going to see Dad tomorrow, remember? Can you wait until tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“Is Dad coming to the aquarium with us?” Jesse asked.

Fuck. “Um, I don’t think so, Jess. Dad’s busy with other stuff this weekend.” He had no idea whether Zach was busy. He hadn’t told him about the aquarium.

“Can I ask him if he can come?”

Chris’s mind raced. Questions and convictions and choices that had already been made crashed together in his mind, but it all came down to Jesse’s face looking up at him, innocently hopeful. “Sure, you can ask him.”

*

“Chris, what the hell?” Zach’s pissed off voice, all too familiar over the phone.

“What now?”

“Did you tell Jesse to ask me if I could go to the aquarium with you this weekend or something?”

“Uh, I guess? I didn’t _tell_ him to ask you, I told him he could ask you if he wanted to.”

“Well, I really wish you wouldn’t do that.”

“Why? What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re supposed to tell them _you’re_ going to ask me. Because I’m capable of saying ‘No’ to you!”

“I’d noticed.”

“Chris, look, I’m sorry. I’m already going to Jesse’s t-ball game on Friday, and forgive me if I don’t feel like spending excessive amounts of time with you right now.”

“Fine! It’s not like _I_ want you to come to the aquarium!”

“Gee, thanks for clearing that up.”

“Jesus, Zach, I don’t fucking know what I’m doing, here! I’ve never done this before! How does this work?! How am I supposed to figure this shit out?”

“I don’t know, I would have thought you’d have a whole elaborate plan for -.” He almost said “custody” but thank god his throat closed up on the word, and he was almost glad for the distraction of Chris yelling in his ear.

“When the fuck was I supposed to think about this? It’s not like I fucking _asked_ you to leave!”

“You didn’t…? You’re a fucking passive-aggressive asshole, Chris, you know that? That’s really nice, you didn’t _ask_ me to leave, no, okay, you didn’t say ‘Zach, please get the fuck out of my house’, instead you just made living there fucking unbearable and then in the end it’s all my fault for _leaving_. Utter bullshit,” he added, trailing off in the end like he was talking to himself.

“I wasn’t trying to make it unbearable, Zach, I just wanted…”

“I know, I know what you wanted, you wanted me to do what you wanted, and you know what, no, fuck this, I’m not doing this again. There’s a reason I left, and it was to avoid conversations like these.”

“We can’t avoid it, Zach.”

“I understand that we need to talk and communicate about the boys, but we don’t need to do this, this sniping at each other, blaming each other shit. So can we just skip that part and figure out what the fuck we’re doing about the boys and planning and…avoiding each other or whatever the fuck it is we plan to do now that…What are we, even? Divorced, separated? Broken up like we’re fucking 16 years old, what?”

Zach heard rustling on the phone as Chris fidgeted. “Separated, I guess?”

“Separated. Jesus Christ, fucking…” Zach made a sound of frustration. Chris pictured him running his hand through his hair, clutching at it. He knew the feeling. “Look, I gotta go. Tell Jesse I’m sorry about the aquarium, okay? Just…tell him I’m sorry.” Zach breathed in a shaky breath. “And…would you call me tonight when you’re tucking them in?”

“Alright.”

“Thanks.”

“Zach…we still need to talk.”

“We’ll talk, Chris.” Sometime, later, when he couldn’t feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes and something like an itch in his chest that even yelling didn’t seem to scratch. “We’ll talk.”

 **Present**

Chris woke up and stretched and ran a hand up Zach’s chest to his scruffy cheek. Zach opened his eyes and smiled.

“Morning, gorgeous,” Chris said.

“Merry Christmas,” Zach said, smiling.

Chris rested their foreheads together as a thousand corny lines ran through his head, about how waking up with Zach was like Christmas every day, about already having the best gifts anyone could ever want, about family and kids and love, but instead of saying anything, he pressed a soft kiss to Zach’s lips, saying it all.

“Time is it?” Zach murmured.

“Too fucking early,” Chris said, glancing at the clock.

“Time for…?” Zach wrapped his arms around Chris, pressing their naked bodies against each other under the warm blankets.

“Nope.” He indulged Zach with a long kiss before he pulled away with a grin. “We’ve got work to do.”

They got ready quietly, and Zach slipped out the door to make a quick trip. Chris was waiting for him when he got back, helped him get everything into the garage.

“The boys up?”

“They’re awake. I let them open the Transformers to keep them in their room, hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, yeah. Good idea.” Zach grinned at the tree and the presents laid out around it. “Ready?”

“Let’s do it.”

*

Gavin and Jesse thundered down the stairs and came to a halt in front of the tree, looking around frantically.

“Merry Christmas, guys!”

Jesse had a panic-stricken look on his face. Gavin just looked confused. “Where is it?”

“Where’s what?”

“Where’s…um…I thought…”

“What? You don’t think there are enough presents or something?” Which was ridiculous, because there were only about two square feet of floor visible in the living room.

“Well, no…we just thought you said…”

Zach slapped a hand over his mouth dramatically. “Papa!” He pulled Chris toward him and said in a mock whisper, “I almost forgot. Santa told me there’s one more present that he didn’t put under the tree!”

“There is?” Chris asked, fighting hard to keep the smile off his face. “Where is it?”

“Hold on a sec. Let me go get it.”

Chris could feel Gavin and Jesse practically vibrating with excitement as Zach disappeared into the garage. Jesse was biting his lip, bouncing on the balls of his feet, and Gavin was actually clasping his hands in front of his chest. Chris watched them out of the corner of his eye as he waited, trying to contain his own excitement.

They heard the door open and Chris saw Zach laughing as a golden ball of fur hurtled into the living room. Jesse and Gavin whooped and fell to their knees to let the puppy jump on them and lick eagerly at their faces.

“Oh man!” Gavin exclaimed, trying to wrap his arms around the wriggling pup. “This is the best Christmas EVER!”

*

“I think we should name him after Uncle Joe,” Zach said. He was sprawled in the comfy chair, clutching his coffee out of the way of energetic puppies and children.

“You don’t get a say in the matter, mister,” Chris said, lobbing a wadded up ball of wrapping paper at him.

“YEAH!” said Jesse and Gavin, eagerly joining in.

“Ahh, quit it, you…fluffing monkeys!” he yelled, shielding himself with his arms. “Alright, alright! You can decide! Stop throwing things at me and pick a name!”

“What should we name him, Gav?” Jesse asked.

Gavin thought about it for a moment. “Um, um, I think we should name him…Chewbacca!”

“Traitor!” Chris exclaimed.

“We have to name him something from Star Trek,” Jesse hissed, elbowing him.

“Well, no, you don’t _have_ to,” Chris said, laughing.

“Spock!”

“Veto,” Zach said lazily.

Jesse leaned over to Gavin and whispered something in his ear, and they watched Gavin’s face light up. “Okay!”

“Tell them.”

“Tell us!” demanded Chris

“We’re going to name him Bones!”


	12. Discovered / Diplomacy / Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama in the family.

**Discovered**

“Bravo, bravo!”

Chris and Zach clapped enthusiastically, standing as the students took their bows. Gavin stayed in character as Mssr. Thenardier, his gold tooth gleaming in the stage lights as he aimed a playful kick at his “wife.” Jesse came out second to last, his posture serious, but he smiled widely as he took a bow. He couldn’t help it - he’d just rocked the final performance of his senior year as Javert in Les Miserables, and his proud dads were beaming at him from the audience.

The house lights came up, and Chris and Zach moved through the auditorium, shaking hands and greeting other parents they recognized as they headed toward the back. At the end of the aisle, an enthusiastic, bearded man in a corduroy blazer approached them. “Excuse me, Mr. Pine, Mr. Quinto, if I could just say, your son really stole the show tonight.”

“Thank you, thanks,” they responded, smiling politely.

“I was wondering, any chance he might be interested in enrolling in a theater workshop that I run during the school year. It’s very prestigious, quite a few young actors have been discovered through the program.”

“Well, that’s very kind of you, but actually Jesse’s graduating and he’ll be attending Berkeley next year.”

Chris moved to step away, but the man had a frown on his face as he glanced at the program. “Oh right, Jesse’s your son, too. I’m sorry, actually I was talking about your other son, Gavin. Mr. Thenardier? I’ve seen a lot of kids take on that role, but he was truly exceptional.”

“GAVIN?” Chris sputtered. Zach squeezed his arm, trying to stay cool, but it took him a second before he remembered that he should probably respond.

“Oh, wow, thanks, yeah. I guess he was really good, wasn’t he? You know, we’d have to ask him though. I kind of thought his brother got him into this and I’m not even sure whether Gavin’s all that interested in acting.”

The man raised an eyebrow and pulled out his card. “Well, he should be, and I do hope you encourage him. And just so you don’t think I’m running some sort of scam, here is my card, and we do offer a few scholarships to students with outstanding potential. I imagine Gavin would be able to get one easily if tonight’s performance is anything to go by.”

“Right. Well, thanks,” Zach said, taking the card. “We’ll be in touch.”

The man had walked away before Chris was able to close his mouth and turn to Zach in shock. “What the fuck just happened?”

Zach patted Chris on the shoulder consolingly. “Apparently, we’re raising _two_ actors.”

*

“You guys were seriously, seriously amazing last night,” Chris said, as the four of them drove into the city for a celebratory dinner.

Zach glanced over at him and Chris nodded subtly.

“You know, Gavin,” Zach said, “some dude approached us after the show to tell us he was very impressed by your performance. He wanted to know if you might be interested in doing a prestigious theater workshop next year.”

“What the shit?!” Jesse screeched from the backseat.

“Watch your language,” Chris warned.

“And your pitch,” Zach added, covering his ears. “Jesus, Jess, are you trying to alert all the dogs in LA?”

“You cannot be serious,” Jesse continued, his voice within normal hearing range. “You’re going to let GAVIN be an ACTOR? You’re going to ENCOURAGE him?!”

“Well, we haven’t decided what we’re going to do yet. What do you think? You’re going to be at Berkeley next year, you can take acting classes and do whatever you want!”

“Except audition,” Jesse grumbled.

“Jess, I’m sure you’ll be in tons of school shows…”

“Oh, whooptydoo, I’ll be in _The Crucible_ with a bunch of hippies, while Gavin’s getting discovered and filming pilots.”

“Hey,” said Chris. “Don’t hate on the hippies. Or _The Crucible_.”

“And Gavin is not going to be filming pilots.” Zach turned around in his seat. “Hey, Gavin.” He reached back to poke Gavin in the knee. “What do _you_ think? Since we are talking about you - care to contribute?”

Gavin looked away from the window and shrugged at Zach. “Yeah, I guess I would do it.”

“WHAT?”

“Jesse, again with the shrieking.”

“You don’t even like acting! You like science and sh- stuff.”

“I like acting, too. And anyway, it was your idea.”

Jesse slumped back in his seat. “Stupid idea.”

“You’re stupid!”

Chris glanced at them in the rearview mirror. “Don’t make me turn this car around.”

 **Diplomacy**

“Hey Jess, put your shoes on,” Zach said, sticking his head in the bedroom door.

“Why?”

“’Cause I’m taking you out for ice cream. And don’t even act like you don’t want it, because I know you do. I can see it in your face. Come on, up, up!”

**

They ordered extravagant sundaes and Zach was wondering how to broach the real topic of conversation, when Jesse squinted at him in a way that was far too reminiscent of Chris, and said, “This is about Gavin, isn’t it?”

“You’re very insightful.”

Jesse rolled his eyes and ate a spoonful of ice cream.

“So go ahead, say it,” Zach told him. “I’ll let you say it once and get it out of your system, and then we can have a real, grownup discussion.”

Jesse scowled and took another bite. He swallowed it, set his spoon down, and leaned back, crossing his arms. “It’s not fair.”

“Feel better?”

“No. How come I never got to do a prestigious thing? Les Miz was, like, the first acting thing Gavin’s ever done!”

“He had a lot of amateur experience. I recall a particularly memorable skit about a lion trainer...”

“That’s not the same.”

“I know, I know. But look, Jesse, you can’t be jealous of one anothers’ opportunities, and down the line you can’t be jealous of each others’ successes either. You’re both going to do different things in life, and the important thing is to support each other, not try to outdo each other all the time. You know, Papa’s been in a bunch more movies than I have, and that’s fine. I never feel like I’m missing out because of things that he’s doing.”

“Yeah, because half of his movies were shit anyway,” Jesse grumbled.

“Jesse!”

“What?! I’m not saying Papa was bad in them, I’m just saying they sucked!”

Zach coughed to cover his laugh and shook his head. “Unspoken rule of the Pine-Quinto household,” he said, pointing across the table. “We do not mention the dubious quality of Papa’s early filmography.”

“Fine.”

“Now listen, Papa and I are letting you help us make this decision because we think it’s important for you to be on board. We don’t want you to feel like we’re not supporting you or like we’re giving Gavin special treatment or anything like that. So what do you think?”

Jesse frowned at the table and played with his spoon. For a minute, Zach was worried, but then Jesse dropped his head back with an exaggerated groan and said “Fiiine.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, he can do the stupid workshop. I mean, the _awesome_ workshop,” Jesse amended in the face of Zach’s glare. “But I swear, if he gets to be in even one freaking commercial, I get to audition for something. Something REAL.”

Zach nodded. “Alright. I think that sounds like a fair deal.”

“What d’you think Papa will say?”

“I think Papa will do his damnedest to make sure Gavin’s not in any commercials.”

 **Distraction**

“’Don’t make me turn this car around’,” Zach imitated, mocking him. He loosened his tie and started unbuttoning his shirt.

“What? That’s a thing that dads say!” Chris sat on the bed to pull his shoes off.

“I know,” he said, laughing. “I love it. I love your dad voice. I love it when you try to be all serious and threatening, when zero out of the four of us actually believe that you’re going to follow through.”

“Come on, that’s not fair. I can be threatening! I can administer punishment!”

“Yeah, okay, but that’s because we’re lucky and our children are perfect and telling them we’re, like, not going to take them to opening night of a musical is punishment to them.”

Chris flopped back onto the bed. “True. We are lucky, aren’t we?” he asked, and Zach could tell that he’d lapsed into one of his pensive moods.

Zach lay along Chris’s side, traced Chris’s eyebrows with a fingertip. “What are you thinking about?”

“You know.”

“Stop.” He leaned down to press a kiss to his lips, to distract him.

“Zach, why were we so stupid?”

“Which time?” Zach joked, putting off the inevitable.

“Shut up, I’m serious.”

“I don’t know, Chris, we were young?”

“We weren’t that young.”

“We weren’t that stupid either. What happened…needed to happen, I guess. We needed to figure out our priorities, and it fucking sucked, but we did, in the end. We came to our senses and we all turned out fine.”

“So far.”

“Yes, so far. What are you afraid’s going to happen? Teenage rebellion? Unplanned pregnancy? What if one of our sons turns out to be – gasp! – a homosexual!” Zach pulled away from Chris, laughing.

“You crack yourself up.”

“And you depress yourself.” He leaned over again to slide a hand down Chris’s chest, gave him a seductive look. “Let me help you relax. Come on, you need some endorphins.” He kissed Chris on the lips and slid down, unzipping Chris’s fly as he brushed his lips across his sternum.

“You do know there are some things blowjobs can’t fix, right Zach?” Chris said, glancing down at him with a smile.

Zach lifted his head from Chris’s taut stomach to meet his eyes. “Don’t make me turn this car around.”


	13. First Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three first days of school.

Zach spotted Chris across the playground, sipping his coffee and squinting in the morning sun. The school bell rang as Zach jogged across the pavement, stopping short when he noticed Chris’s glare.

Zach glanced at his watch. “What? You said 8 o’clock. It’s 7:59!”

“I said they _line up_ at 8 o’clock,” Chris said, gesturing toward where a mob of children was lining up dutifully at the doors to the school.

“What the hell, Chris, I asked you what time…ugh, you know what,” he muttered to himself as he yanked his phone out of his pocket. “Look-“ he showed the screen to Chris. His email on the bottom read _what time for gav’s first day tomorrow?_ and Chris’s response above it said _8:00_.

“I thought you meant what time does school start. I thought you could judge for yourself what time you wanted to get here.”

“I meant what time were _you guys_ going to get here. Why the fuck would I ask you when they _line up_?”

“Hey, how about you stop picking fights with me and say hi to your son,” Chris said flatly, tipping his head toward the playground, where Gavin was running frantically toward them, his huge backpack flopping from side-to-side on his back.

Zach dropped to a squat and let Gavin crash into him so hard he had to put a hand back on the pavement to steady himself. “Hey, buddy!”

“Hi Dad!” Gavin grinned at him and pushed his baseball cap up, losing the battle quickly as it slid down again to rest on the tops of his ears.

“First day of kindergarten! You’re so grown up, Gavin! Are you excited?”

Gavin nodded, but his smile faltered and he looked between the two of them.

“You nervous? Don’t be nervous, okay? You’re going to have so much fun.”

“He’s not nervous,” Chris said. “Austin and Ryan are going to be there with you, right Gav?”

“Yeah. And we’re gonna play blocks!”

“Blocks, that’s awesome!” Zach said. He pulled Gavin in for another hug. “I love you, buddy. Will you promise to call me tonight and tell me all about your day?”

“Uh huh.”

“Good. You’d better get back there now, ‘cause I think your teacher is looking for you.”

“Mrs. Hoyes,” Chris offered. Zach tried not to roll his eyes.

“Mrs. Hoyes is looking for you. Go ahead, go line up with your class.”

Zach stood as he watched Gavin race back across the schoolyard. “Jesus Christ. I swear to god, he was an infant, like, five days ago. I really hope he’s okay.” Zach put a hand over his mouth and shook his head a little.

“He’ll be fine. Jesse was fine, Jesse loved kindergarten.”

“Yeah, but that’s _Jesse_. All kindergarten meant to him was a bigger audience.” Zach smiled to himself. “Gavin did seem pretty excited about the blocks, though.”

“Yeah. Look, I’m gonna run inside and make sure the nurse knows about Gavin’s allergies. I’ll see you around.”

“His allergies? He’s allergic to _cats_ , Chris.”

“And dust!”

“Right. You know what, I should probably go with you and stop by the office to make sure they have my address and everything.”

“I’ll do it.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. You don’t need to come in.”

Zach did roll his eyes then, and turned away, mumbling “fine, whatever.”

Chris headed toward the brick building and Zach made his way back to the parking lot, where he slumped in the driver’s seat and took a deep, shuddering breath. He closed his eyes and let his head drop back against the headrest. Fuck. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. How had they gotten to this point, what the fuck had happened? He tried to remember what it was like last year, when Jesse started first grade. They’d read a story to the class and Jesse had beamed with pride. He vaguely remembered being frustrated with Chris at some point, but so what? Other couples got frustrated and snappish sometimes, but they didn’t end up like this, separated and barely able to have a civil conversation one year later.

Zach shook his head and thought back another year, to Jesse’s first day of kindergarten. He remembered smiling and hugging Jesse, meeting Chris’s eye and feeling helpless and in love, and if their eyes had been a little moist then, it was for all the right reasons. Then the two of them had gone out for coffee and stayed there, talking excitedly for hours, reminiscing, planning. Then they’d realized what time it was and decided to just stay out for the rest of the day until it was time to pick Jesse up from school. Jesse had come out to find them sitting on the hood of the car, eating ice cream, and they’d helped him scramble up next to them and handed him his own melting ice cream sandwich. And they’d watched Jesse get ice cream all over his face, and Chris had laughed so hard that he’d fallen sideways off the car. They’d all laughed so fucking hard. _That_ was how it was supposed to be.

Zach squeezed the bridge of his nose, pressed his fingers to the corners of his eyes to keep the tears from falling. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there, trying to center himself, before he was startled by a knock on the window. He looked up to see Chris, clutching his cup of coffee and looking at him from behind his sunglasses. Zach turned on the ignition to roll the window down halfway.

“What?”

“Don’t forget about Back-to-School Night on the 15th.”

Zach ran a hand over his face and groaned.

“You forgot, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t fucking forget,” Zach snapped. “What time?”

“You don’t need to go. Just one parent needs to be there.”

Zach glared at him through the open window. “What. Time.”

“6:30.”

“It _starts_ at 6:30, or you want me to be there at 6:30?”

“Starts.”

“So what does that mean? 6:20, 6:15?” He couldn’t help the edge of sarcasm that crept into his voice.

Chris curled his lip a little. “Just get here at 6:20, okay?”

“Okay. You want me to call Joe to watch-“

“My mom’s watching them.”

Zach took a deep breath, grateful that his own sunglasses rendered eye contact unnecessary. “Joe wants to see them, you know.”

“Joe can see them whenever he wants. I just already told my mom that date.”

“Fine.” Zach ran a hand through his hair, looked up to say something like “see you then,” but Chris was already gone, striding across the parking lot, draining the last of the coffee from his cardboard cup.

**

Chris pulled into the parking lot and spotted Zach almost immediately, leaning against his car and sipping something from Starbucks. He parked and held the boys’ hands as they walked over.

“How long have you been here?”

“’Bout thirty minutes,” Zach said with a wry smile. Chris bit back a smile too, as Zach gave the boys’ hugs and let them chatter animatedly at him for a few minutes.

“You excited, Gavin?” Zach asked, when he could get a word in edgewise. “Going to first grade? Finally in school with your big brother?”

Gavin looked at Jesse with admiration written across his face. “I’m goin’ to third grade!” he announced proudly.

“No you’re not, dummy, you’re going to _first_ grade, _I’m_ going to third grade.”

“No, I AM!” Gavin said.

“Hey guys,” Chris interjected, since Zach apparently was planning to let them continue for a while as he looked on, amused. “Gavin, you don’t want to skip straight to third grade. Third graders have hours and hours of homework every night.”

Jesse looked scared, and Chris nodded at him. “It’s true. So I hope you’re ready. And don’t call your brother a dummy.”

The bell rang inside the school and Jesse tried to run, but Chris yanked him back by his backpack. “Hey. Don’t run across the parking lot. And give me a hug.”

“Me, too,” added Zach. Jesse did, grudgingly, and Gavin wrapped himself around Chris’s leg enthusiastically. “Okay, little octopus, my turn,” Zach said, prying him off. He glanced apologetically at Chris as he pried Gavin’s arms off his leg, and he managed to get a quick hug from Gavin before Jesse pulled him away.

“Okay, boys,” Zach said, giving them a little salute. “Go to school. Become men. Learn big words.”

“Look both ways,” Chris said, and they did, before crossing the parking lot hand-in-hand – or more accurately, with Jesse pulling Gavin behind him by the wrist.

As they disappeared into the school, Zach cursed under his breath. Chris gave him a questioning look. “We forgot to tell them we love them,” Zach said, looking at him.

“I think they’ll remember.”

“Yeah? You don’t think we should go knock on the window of their classroom to let them know?” Zach asked. Chris smiled a little, but Zach had looked away, staring absently at the school.

They were quiet for a moment, and Zach shoved his hands in his pockets, toeing at the ground. “So…there’s something I should probably tell you…”

“Don’t bother.” Chris remembered now that the twisted-up feeling in his stomach had nothing to do with the first day of school.

Zach’s head whipped up to look at him, and Chris looked away.

“I saw the pictures.” It hadn’t even been pap pics. A premiere, a red carpet, some guy on Zach’s arm, some guy nowhere near as attractive as Zach. The picture of Zach stepping out of the limo had made Chris sweat, made him itch like his clothes were on too tight. Chris really didn’t want to think about it. Especially not today.

“It’s not serious,” Zach said softly, as though he wanted to reassure Chris, as though he could. “We’ve only been on a few dates.”

“Oh, please. You took him to a fucking premiere, Zach, I’m not stupid. And neither are you, so I’m pretty sure you weren’t exactly shocked to find cameras there.”

“I didn’t want to take him,” Zach said, and his voice was a little louder, a little more adamant, and Chris was secretly pleased to have put him in defensive mode. “He was…insistent.”

“Whatever, Zach. I don’t even care,” Chris said, suddenly exhausted. “Look, I’ll see you around.”

He’d only taken a few steps away when Zach said his name. He turned around. Zach stood behind the open car door, looking at him. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry about what?” Chris shot back. “Sorry you didn’t tell me before I saw the fucking pictures? Sorry you have to tell me at all? What are you sorry for, Zach?”

Zach looked down, swallowed, and looked up again to meet Chris’s eyes. “I’m just sorry.”

**

 _just landed. what time is the schoolbus?_

 **7:30.**

 _still on runway. fucking LAX._

 _ugh. fucking luggage._

 _fuck. gonna miss it. FUCKING traffic._

 **I’ll drive them. You can meet us at the school.**

 _ok. thx._

“Hey, slow down, you’re in a fucking school zone,” Zach snapped at the cabbie.

“Sorry, man, I thought you were in a rush!”

“I am, but it’s a _school zone_!”

The cabbie slowed down and eased into the parking lot, and Zach was out of the backseat in a second, yanking his bags out of the trunk when Chris pulled in. He dropped his luggage on the sidewalk as Gavin and Jesse barreled toward him, slamming into him with eager boy-hugs.

“Hi, guys! Oh my god, I missed you so much!” Zach wrapped them in a hug and closed his eyes for a second, relishing the familiar comfort of their skinny arms around him.

Eventually, he extracted himself from their grasp and their questions and stories, and reminded them that they did actually have to go to school. He told them he would see them again soon, and yes, he would make them tacos, and he promised to go play mini-golf and fingerpaint and do everything else they’d dreamed up for him over the past few weeks. He shot Chris a grateful look over the tops of their heads as he gave them one last squeeze, murmured that he loved them, and sent them off across the playground to find their friends.

He watched them until Chris nudged his arm and handed him a cup of coffee.

“You’re a fucking lifesaver,” Zach said, and he took a sip and groaned appreciatively.

“How was Tuscany?” Chris asked, watching Zach as he closed his eyes and slurped through the lid of the travel mug.

Zach shrugged. “Nice, I guess. I missed them,” he said, nodding toward the school.

“They missed you, too.”

Zach took another sip. “You get the tickets to that children’s show I emailed you about?”

“Yeah.”

“Tomorrow night, right?”

“Yeah. You still want to go?”

“’Course.”

“Not tired?”

Zach smiled wryly. “Fucking exhausted, but…” He held up the mug of coffee.

“I thought you were on some kind of green tea kick,” Chris said.

“Yeah, well. I try, but coffee always lures me back in.”

“She’s a cruel mistress.”

“Indeed.”

“So…I shouldn’t have given you decaf then?”

Zach’s eyes widened and he looked frantically between the coffee and Chris before he noticed the twinkle in Chris’s eye. “Fucker,” he grumbled, but the corner of his mouth turned up as he took another sip.


	14. Trouble / Our Boy / Action Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like fathers, like sons.

**Trouble**

“Hey, where are you?” Chris asked when Zach picked up the phone.

“At home. Why?”

“Because I just got a call from Jesse’s principal. Apparently a bunch of theater kids interrupted a school-wide assembly today with an ‘impromptu musical’. Our dear son had the honorable distinction of distracting three secretaries and commandeering the intercom system in order to play the role of ‘Narrator’.”

Zach couldn't help but grin. “That’s fucking hilarious.”

“I know, right? Unfortunately, the principal doesn’t agree, and one of us has to go pick him up.”

“Alright, I’ll go get him. Want me to wait ‘til you get home to figure out some consequences?”

“Yeah, sure. Think there’s any way we can punish him while at the same time giving him props?”

**

“Jesse,” Zach said, when they were in the car on the way home from school, “what the hell were you thinking?”

“It was a senior prank, Dad!”

“You’re a sophomore!”

“I have friends that are seniors! They asked me to help!”

“How are you cool enough to have friends that are seniors?” Zach asked in mock disbelief. Jesse rolled his eyes and stared out the window.

“You know there are going to be consequences for this, right?”

Jesse sighed. “Whatever.”

Zach bit his lip and took on his most casual tone. “So...did anyone take a video?”

**

When Chris got home, they sat Jesse down on the couch for a serious conversation about the appropriate time and place for creative improvisational theater. Chris cracked his knuckles and adopted the fatherly tone that he broke out for periodic warnings and reprimands, and Zach schooled his expression into one of stern disapproval. Nevertheless, within ten minutes the conversation had devolved into a recounting of Zach’s most elaborate and hysterical on-set pranks, which had all of them stifling their giggles except for Gavin, who laughed so hard he got caught eavesdropping and was subsequently invited to join in the fun. Jesse reenacted the morning’s performance for posterity, and Zach actually had to leave the room to recover from a fit of laughter. When they finally settled down, Chris and Zach tried to regain some level of parental authority and told Jesse that as a result of his irresponsible and inappropriate actions, he wouldn’t be allowed to go to opening night of _Alejandro_ , which he’d been looking forward to for weeks. Jesse pouted, and Gavin danced around the room gloating until they told him he couldn’t go either. The boys accused their fathers of manufacturing the punishment just so they could go to the show by themselves and make out in the back of the limo. Chris and Zach grinned smugly and didn’t deny it, and Jesse swore he’d never do anything bad ever, ever again.

 **Our Boy**

“I’m going to cry.”

“I know.”

“I’m gonna sob like a motherfuckin’ baby.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“Shut up. Like you’re not going to. I saw that you already put a box of tissues in the car.”

“Those are for you.”

“Yeah, right.”

“We have to be cool, Chris. No one needs to see Kirk and Spock snotting all over themselves on the Quad.”

“So you admit that you’re going to _want_ to cry.”

“Can we stop talking about this? I’m kind of tearing up a little here. And this entire conversation is going to be rendered moot if we never leave LA. JESSE! WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?” he bellowed up the stairs.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Jesse thundered down the stairs and came to a halt in front of them, his arms full.

“What were you doing up there?”

“I was just grabbing some stuff. Can I take this?” He held out a framed picture of the four of them.

Zach took it out of his hands to get a closer look. “Wow. This picture…” Chris leaned in to look at it. “Takes you back, doesn’t it?” Zach asked.

The picture had been on a shelf in the hall forever, but it had been a while since they'd taken the time to really look at it, to remember how perfectly it had captured that moment in time. Chris and Zach, in jeans and t-shirts on the couch, the boys at ages two and four, every picture from those years an action shot. Chris was laughing, his mouth open and his eyes crinkled shut as he clung to Jesse, who had managed to flop backwards over his lap until his head almost touched the ground. Next to him, Zach held onto Gavin’s chubby little hands and gave the three of them a tolerant look that somehow managed to encompass all the love he had for their little family – all the love he had in the world.

Zach handed the photo to Chris and turned away, wiping tears from his eyes with the palm of his hand. He took a moment to compose himself, then looked back to find Chris and Jesse watching him. He smiled as tears slid down his cheeks and pulled them both in for a hug.

Jesse hugged them back, despite being 18. He patted Zach comfortingly on the shoulder and murmured, “There, there, Father.”

Zach laughed and kissed Jesse on the head and kind of couldn’t believe they’d all made it this far.  
Finally, Jesse cleared throat and pulled away to give them both an expectant look.

“So...can I have the picture?”

**

“Where’s Gavin?” Jesse asked as they headed out the door.

“He’s been sitting in the car for half an hour. You’d think he was eager to get rid of you or something.”

“Whatever. He’ll be lost without me.”

“Oh yes. However will we _all_ go on without your esteemed presence.” Chris intoned.

“Seriously! You guys need me around for entertainment. This place is going to be Dullsville once I’m gone.”

“Jesse, there’s something we’ve been meaning to tell you for some time now,” said Zach, putting a patronizing hand on Jesse’s shoulder. “We don’t actually find you amusing at all. We just laugh because the parental handbook says we’re supposed to.”

“Whatever, dude,” Jesse said, turning away so Zach wouldn’t see him smile.

“Don’t call your father dude,” Chris said.

“Why not? You call him dude all the time!”

“I also call him sweetcheeks, you gonna use that one too?”

“No, but I am going to throw up a little in my mouth.”

“Gross,” Zach said, making a face. “It’s okay, Jesse. You can call me dude.”

“What are you, trying to be like a cool dad now?” Chris asked. “Not gonna happen, Zach.”

Jesse clapped Zach on the arm as he walked past them to the car. “He’s right, dude.”

 **Action Shot**

“Mr. Quinto, if you could just straighten your collar…”

Zach let go of Gavin to tug at his collar, which stayed straight for all of five seconds before Gavin stood up on his lap and pulled it into his mouth. Chris laughed, keeping one hand on Jesse as he reached over to pull Gavin away.

“Hey Gav, let’s not eat Daddy’s clothes, okay?”

Zach laughed and leaned down to bite at Gavin’s overall straps. “Mmf...how do you like it?” he mumbled through a mouthful of corduroy.

“Okay, if we could just get the boys to sit on your laps…” The frustrated photographer’s voice interrupted their antics, and they scooted together on the couch. Chris turned Jesse around on his lap and wrapped an arm around his waist in an attempt to keep him still. A failed attempt, as Jesse managed to twist around to tell him “I wan’ be a pirate, Papa!”

“I know, Jesse, you can be a pirate just as soon as the nice photographer man is done telling us what to do, okay?”

Zach smirked at Chris’s jab. He was beginning to feel the same way. Perhaps a family photo session hadn’t been his best idea ever.

They managed to hold the boys steady for about thirty seconds as the photographer set up the shot, then he stood up from his camera and walked over to fuss with Zach’s hair, at which point all hell broke loose. Gavin burst into frightened tears, Zach gave into his frustration and batted the photographer’s hand away, saying “take an effing picture already,” and Jesse squirmed from Chris’s grasp and ran headlong for the shiny camera...

**

“Remind me why the f- why the heck you didn’t call me first?” Joe asked, three hours, two cosmos, and $600 worth of expensive photography equipment later, as he set up his tripod across from the couch.

“I _told_ Zach to call you.”

“I’m sure you did. Zachary?”

“I don’t know,” Zach admitted, shaking his head. “This guy came highly recommended!”

“By who?”

“By _whom_ ,” Chris and Zach both corrected him.

Joe looked between them with an eyebrow raised. “You guys are so perfect for each other, it disgusts me.”

They blushed and glanced at each other and Joe rolled his eyes as he peered through his camera to check the angle. “Anyway, I hope you learned your lesson. I am the only photographer you should hire from now on.”

“Wait, we’re _hiring_ him,” Zach asked Chris in disbelief.

“And I’m worth every penny,” Joe responded with a smirk. “Now, is everyone ready? Jesse, are you going to wear the eyepatch _and_ the cape?”

Jesse nodded enthusiastically.

“Alright, then. Let’s have some fun, guys.”


	15. Obviously / Sippy Cups / Ciao, Mexico

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach and Chris, in love.

**Obviously**

The buzz of his phone startled Chris awake, and he groped blindly in the blankets until he found it, fumbled with it, and finally got it to his ear with a sleepy, "'lo?"

"Morning."

"Zach," Chris said, and Zach could hear his smile, could picture his squinty morning eyes.

"Hey, sorry, I thought you'd be up by now," Zach said, glancing at the clock. It was only 10:30, but usually Chris woke up pretty early, even if it took copious amounts of coffee to keep him that way.

"S'okay. I was just out kinda late last night with the cast." Zach heard him yawn. "Whassup?"

"I was actually just calling to see if you wanted to get coffee."

"Mmmm...yeah, I would....can we do it maybe a little later though?"

"Yeah...later would have to be, like, tomorrow though, 'cause I've got meetings for the rest of the day. But I really didn't mean to wake you up."

"No, it's okay," Chris said, and Zach could hear the rustle of sheets as Chris sat up in bed. "I want to see you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Ten minutes?"

"Yeah, okay. I'll see you in a few."

*

They met at the cafe, and drank coffee and played footsie under the table while Chris told Zach about the previous evening's drinking hijinks. Zach listened and asked questions and marveled at how easy it was to shut up and let Chris talk, especially because he knew that Chris would listen just as attentively to him when he had stories to tell.

"What?" Chris asked, stopping mid-sentence.

"What? I didn't say anything."

"Yeah, but your face kind of scrunched up in this weird expression just then."

"Did it? I don't know. Sorry. I was listening." He had been listening, but then he'd had this thought, and this flood of warmth had traveled through him, and he'd had to kind of take a second to think about it, and that must be what Chris had noticed. He smiled again and looked down, flushing with happiness at the thought that Chris _had_ noticed. He nudged Chris's foot under the table, and Chris smiled at him and continued.

*

When they'd finished their coffee, they stood to leave, and Chris offered to walk Zach home, since he had nothing to do until the afternoon. The conversation wound down as they walked, until they were strolling in comfortable silence. Zach glanced at Chris out of the corner of his eye and took a deep breath.

“So, I love you, by the way.” His heart jumped in his chest when he said it, and he kept his eyes on the ground, focused on matching Chris’s stride. “I just, I wasn’t sure if you knew. So I wanted to tell you.” When he got the courage to look over, Chris’s expressive eyes were hidden behind his sunglasses, but as Zach watched, a smile crept across his face and he shook his head.

“I am so fucking glad you said that, Zach.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, man. I’ve been trying to think of how to tell you I love you for weeks now.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Chris said, like it was obvious. “Obviously.”

“Obviously?”

“Didn’t I make it obvious? I tried to.”

Zach tipped his head to the side, thought about it. “I guess you are kind of always making googly eyes at me,” he said, grinning.

Chris ached to reach out and take his hand, brush his arm, anything, but they were between the coffee shop and Zach’s place, prime paparazzi territory, so he resisted the urge.

“Do you have any idea how much I want to just, like, throw myself at you right now?” he asked instead.

Zach smiled and blushed a little. “Do you have any idea how much I want to grab you and kiss those googly eyes right off your fucking face?” he asked, laughing.

Chris did reach out then, but only to punch him lightly in the arm, and they both walked a little faster to Zach’s front door.

 **Sippy Cups**

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Yes, Zach, I’m sure. You don’t think I can handle this?”

“I know, I know. Just, this is the first time one of us will be gone a full day since Gavin was born…” Zach trailed off. He was sure Chris would be fine. He just knew _he’d_ be nervous as hell if he were the one staying home. “Are you sure you don’t want to call your mom?”

“Zach, we’ll be fine. Seriously.” He gave Zach a peck on the lips and pulled Gavin gently from his arms. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“I’ll get out of there as soon as I can.”

“I know you will. Bye, Zach. Love you.”

Zach was closing the front door when a loud crash sounded from the living room. Zach opened the door again, his eyes wide, but Chris pried his hand off the doorknob and shoved him out, saying “I’ll take care of it. Go. JESSE!”

*

Zach stepped inside and eased the door shut behind him. A brief glance at the living room revealed only slightly more mess than there had been when he left, so he didn’t linger. Instead, he followed the sound of music toward the kitchen and paused in the shadow of the doorway. He had to cover his mouth to stifle a burst of laughter as Chris danced into view. Gavin bobbed happily in the front pack while Chris grooved across the tile floor, shaking his hips to the rhythm. The rhythm, apparently, of classic Olivia Newton-John, to which Chris was singing his own lyrics for Jesse’s benefit. “ _Let’s eat – Cheerios! Cheerios! You got to eat – Cheerios, Cheerios!_ ”

Zach had been privy to a number of Chris’s more creative parenting techniques, but this was a new one. He wasn’t sure it was working, as Jesse was so excited by his father’s antics that amidst his laughing and flailing, not many of the Cheerios were actually making it from the tray of his high chair to his mouth. Chris did a little spin in front of the high chair and took hold of Jesse’s hands, singing “ _Let me hear your baby talk_.”

Finally, Zach stepped into the kitchen, not bothering to hide his grin. Jesse pointed at him and said “Daddy!” and Chris spun around, blushing hard.

“I, uh, suppose it’s too much to ask that you didn’t see that just then?” he asked, smiling sheepishly.

Zach slid an arm around his shoulders and leaned in close. “ _Let’s eat Cheerios, Cheerios_ ,” he sang softly. Chris shook his head and slid a hand around Zach’s neck.

“You can sing the real words to me,” he said with a wink.

“And why would I do that?”

Chris touched his lips to Zach’s and they fell into the kiss, tongues tangling together, and it took effort not to squish Gavin between them. When they pulled apart, Zach glanced down at the baby.

“Um…what is that?” Zach said with an eyebrow raised, pointing.

“Oh. Uh. Raspberry jelly?” Chris said. Zach grinned and leaned down to lick the purple blob of jelly from Gavin’s bald head.

“Did Papa eat dinner off of your head again? I _told_ him to stop doing that,” he murmured. Gavin made a grinny face at him and Zach gave him another kiss on the head before he turned around to the high chair. “And what about you, buddy? Did you eat your _Cheerios, Cheerios!_?” Jesse offered him a fistful of Cheerios, then dropped them on the floor as Zach tickled his stomach. “And in answer to your question,” he said to Chris, without turning around, “no, you’re never going to hear the end of that.”

“I hate you,” Chris said, smiling.

Zach turned back to Chris, reached out to cup his cheek and pulled him close for a kiss. “Have I ever mentioned that I love you?” he murmured in Chris’s ear.

Zach could feel Chris blushing beneath the palm of his hand. “You may have said it once or twice before,” Chris said, closing his eyes.

“I’m so glad you’re my babydaddy,” Zach said, grinning against Chris’s cheek.

Chris turned to meet his lips, kissed him. “Please never say that again.”

Zach stepped away, moving toward the cupboard. “I want to celebrate your keeping the children alive for an entire day,” he said, opening a cabinet. “Did you eat dinner yet?”

“Yeah.”

“Peanut butter and jelly?”

“Yep.”

“Chocolate milk?”

“Um. Yes.”

Zach turned around holding two of Jesse’s sippy cups and a bottle of red wine. “You do know that just because we have children, it doesn’t mean we need to eat like them, right?”

“I know. I like that stuff!”

Zach uncorked the bottle, poured some wine into each cup, and snapped the lids into place. He walked over and handed one to Chris, then he lifted Jesse from the high chair, propped him on one hip, and picked up his cup.

“Story time?” he asked, gesturing toward the stairs.

“Sure, why not?”

They tapped their cups together. “To our family,” Chris said.

“The best ever,” Zach agreed.

 **Ciao, Mexico**

Chris looked out the window for the fifth time in fifteen minutes and was finally, _finally_ rewarded with the sight of Zach’s car pulling into the driveway. He opened the front door as Zach came up the walkway carrying two full bags of groceries.

Zach stepped inside and they looked at each other, suddenly shy.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Chris took a bag from him and they walked into the kitchen, setting the groceries down on the counter. Another awkward moment, then their eyes met and they collided. The kiss was hot and deep and their arms were tight around each other, hands clutching reflexively, fisting in each other’s shirts.

“Where are the boys?” Zach murmured against Chris’s jaw.

“Out back,” Chris said, tipping his head back and thrusting his hips.

“Fuck,” Zach said, and he kissed his way down Chris’s throat. “God, Chris.”

“I know, I know,” Chris breathed, letting his hands drop down to Zach’s ass.

“Want you.”

“Want you, too…fuck, Zach,” Chris said, but he moved his hands to Zach’s hips and pushed him gently away, panting. “We have to stop.”

“I know,” Zach said, and they looked at each other, chests heaving, sweat glistening on their foreheads. They smiled, kissed softly on the lips, and stepped apart.

“Ice water?” Chris asked, heading for the fridge.

“Ice shower,” Zach corrected, leaning his elbows on the counter as he admired Chris’s backside.

Chris handed him a glass of water and looked at the bags on the counter. “What’d you get?”

“Thought maybe I’d make dinner tonight? Tacos?”

Uncertainty flickered across Chris’s face and he bit his lip like he wanted to say something. Zach slapped a hand over his mouth in realization. “Shit. It’s spaghetti night, isn’t it?”

Chris looked relieved, then confused. “How do you know about spaghetti night?”

Zach laughed. “Um, only because Jess and Gav tell me about it every single week. It’s basically the reason I haven’t seen my sons on a Monday night for the past three years. What the hell do you put in that stuff anyway? Crack?”

“Meatballs. Special family recipe.”

“Are you shitting me? _I’m_ the Italian one!”

“I know. It’s _your_ family recipe.”

Zach rolled his eyes. “Figures. Alright, well, we can have tacos tomorrow night then.” Something nagged at the back of his mind, an uncomfortable realization that he still didn’t really live here, that maybe he didn’t quite belong. “Um. I mean, if…”

Chris looked at him across the counter, his expression serious. “Zach.” He shook his head. “There’s no ‘if’. Okay?”

“Okay,” Zach whispered.

Chris looked at the bags of groceries, then at Zach, and smiled slowly. “I have an idea.”

*

Spaghetti tacos were a huge hit, at least with the younger generation. Jesse and Gavin consumed them enthusiastically, tomato sauce smearing across their cheeks as they shoveled taco shells stuffed with spaghetti and bastardized Mexican meatballs into their mouths. Zach took one bite of his and tried desperately not to spit it back onto his plate. He watched as Chris chomped into his taco, chewed, made a face and reached for his water to chase down the disgusting mess.

“How are they eating this crap?” Zach whispered to Chris out of the side of his mouth.

“No clue. Underdeveloped tastebuds?” Chris pulled out his phone.

“What’re you ordering,” Zach asked, trying not to move his lips.

“Pad thai.”

“Good call.” Zach turned back to the boys. “So, what do you guys think?”

“Oh, man!” said Jesse, taking another massive bite of spaghetti taco. “These are awesome!”

*

The boys were tucked in by the time the pad thai arrived, so Chris and Zach ate it sprawled on the bed. Zach leaned forward to eat a mouthful of noodles off of Chris’s fork. They smiled stupidly at each other for a minute, then Chris set his fork down and turned around to grab his laptop from the bedside table.

“What are you doing on Saturday?” Chris asked, opening it so Zach couldn’t see the screen.

“Mmm…nothing?” Zach said through another bite.

Chris looked at him over the top of the computer. “Wanna move in?” He turned the laptop so Zach could see that it was open to the Uhaul reservations page.

Zach’s eyes flicked from the screen up to Chris and he swallowed. “I…yes. Yeah. Yes.” He drew in a breath as unexpected emotion flooded through his chest.

“So…that’s a yes then?” Chris asked with a smile.

And maybe it was too soon, Zach thought, maybe they should wait and see how things went for a little while. Or maybe he didn’t want to miss another single second of what they had, of what they’d lost and found again, of spaghetti tacos and wine in sippy cups and whatever else they would dream up next.

Zach nodded and pulled the laptop over.

He didn’t want to miss them anymore.


	16. Raw / Thanksgiving / Baggage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“It’s hard.”  
>  Zach wasn’t sure what Chris was referring to. Being a parent, being apart…being together. It all fit, anyway._

**Raw**

Zach was on his laptop going over production logistics when Chris came down the stairs, looking at something on his phone.

“Zach, did you figure out yet if you’ll be able to come back the weekend of the 5th?”

Zach ran a hand through his hair and shook his head, frustrated. “Chris, don’t start with me, okay? I told you I was going to work on it, and I’m working on it.”

Chris stared at him. “I’m just asking, Zach, Jesus. I haven’t even brought it up in like 3 days.”

“Sorry,” Zach said, closing his eyes. “I just thought you were going to get on my case again about other people running my schedule.”

“Why would I bother?” Chris muttered. “It’s not like you’re going to listen to me anyway.”

“God, Chris, that is exactly what I’m talking about!” Zach set his laptop on the table and turned around to look at Chris. “And I really didn’t appreciate what you said at dinner tonight either, by the way.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Zach, I was kidding. Lighten up a little.”

“Yeah, well, in case you haven’t noticed, Jesse and Gavin are very perceptive. The things we say and the way we say them can really leave an impression at their age. So I’d just prefer that you save your sarcasm and condescending attitude for when we’re not at the dinner table.”

“Jesus, I didn’t realize you were so sensitive.”

“Chris! Are you even listening to me? This is not about me! If you don’t want to apologize, fine, just…shut the fuck up.”

Chris’s voice went flat. “Don’t tell me to shut up.”

“I’ll tell you whatever I want to tell you, _Chris_ ,” Zach said, trying and failing to keep his voice level. “Let’s start with the fact that you’re a selfish asshole who can never admit to being wrong about one fucking thing.”

Chris squeezed his fists at his sides. “Yeah, well I’d rather be a selfish asshole than an arrogant douche-“

“Oh _shit_ , Chris!” Zach said, as he caught a glimpse of Jesse turning to run back up the stairs, his pounding feet barely covering the sound of his sobs.

Zach was off the couch in an instant, pushing past Chris to run up the stairs, catching the door as Jesse tried to slam it shut.

“Hey, Jess, hey, buddy,” he said, trying to stay calm, trying to slow the frantic thumping of his heart.

Jesse had curled up on the bed, hugging his stuffed dog to his chest, his tiny shoulders shaking with the force of his little-boy tears. Zach set a hand on his shoulder, tugged him gently into the crook of his arm. He glanced at the door. Where the fuck was Chris? That was just great, he was going to leave Zach to pick up the pieces by himself. That was fucking wonderful.

“Jesse, c’mere. Hey, it’s okay. Did you hear Daddy and Papa fighting?”

Jesse nodded into Ruff-Ruff’s fuzzy head.

“I’m sorry, Jess. I don’t like it either, buddy.”

“Why,” Jesse said, sniffling loudly, “why did you say those mean things?”

Zach swallowed back his own tears. “I didn’t mean what I said.” He took a deep breath. “And neither did Papa.” He hoped Jesse believed him as much as he so badly wanted to believe himself. “Sometimes we lose our tempers, and we don’t think about what we’re saying.”

Jesse nodded and looked at him earnestly. “Mrs. Roch says that when you lose your temper, you should count to five before you say anything. Then you might feel better and you would want to be friends again.”

Zach blinked rapidly, focused all of his training and willpower on keeping it together, just for another few minutes, just long enough to convince his baby boy that everything was going to be okay. The door creaked and he looked up to see Chris peering inside. Chris gestured for them to come out, and Zach pulled Jesse and Ruff-Ruff into his arms and carried them out into the hall.

“I thought maybe we could all use some ice cream,” Chris said, looking at Jesse, who nodded and smiled through his drying tears.

Zach followed Chris down to the kitchen table, where he’d set out three bowls of chocolate ice cream. They took their seats and Zach picked up his spoon. “So, Jesse had a good idea,” he started. Chris glanced up at him, waiting. “He said that when we get mad, we should count to five before we say anything.” Chris nodded and gave Jesse a smile. “And,” Zach continued, staring intently at his bowl, “maybe then we would want to be friends again.” He didn’t want to look at Chris, didn’t want to see the _yeah, right_ written across his face. But he did look up, and he was met with an expression of…sympathy? Maybe. Regret? And suddenly it was all too clear that wanting and hoping and counting to five couldn’t fix this, and that if they didn’t do something about it soon, they’d end up breaking more than just themselves.

*

Chris tucked Jesse in and came back down to find Zach rummaging in the garage, muttering frustrated curses under his breath. He reached up to the third shelf, behind a box of baby clothes and pulled out a half-empty pack of cigarettes. “Looking for these?” he asked, holding the box out toward Zach.

Zach blushed, caught.

“Yeah,” Chris said, pulling one out. “Me too.”

They stepped into the backyard and smoked for a few minutes in silence.

“We really fucked up tonight,” Zach said.

“Yeah, we did.”

Zach looked at his cigarette in disgust and stubbed it out on the ground. “Fuck.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. He thought back over all of the hard decisions he’d had to make over the course of his life, of the loss and responsibility and frustration that he’d faced, and he thought that he had never felt so utterly uncertain as he did now. His throat was raw with swallowed emotion. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Me neither.”

It would have been the perfect jumping off point, if Zach hadn’t been too tired to fight. Chris, admitting for once that he didn’t know what to do. But he was exhausted, drained, and all he wanted was to find comfort in someone’s arms. It had been too long, and it had always been Chris, and it was Chris now, stepping closer, his eyes asking for the same thing, and they found themselves in a loose embrace. And there was little comfort to be found there anymore, but they held each other nonetheless, and what their kiss lacked in passion, it made up for in familiarity. The tilt of their heads and the touch of their tongues the way it always had been, as their hands traced faded patterns across each others’ backs.

In the darkened bedroom, they made one last desperate stand to find solace in each other, trying to keep hold of this one last thing, giving the last of what they could give.

They came silently and pulled apart.

  
 **Thanksgiving**

Jesse and Gavin were in the middle of a heated game of Uno with their grandparents when the doorbell rang. Chris told them to finish up and get their stuff together and went to answer the door.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay.” Chris gestured back into the house. “They’ll be out in a sec.”

Zach nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets, waiting. Chris glanced over Zach’s shoulder to the car pulled up out front, squinted when he noticed someone, a man, sitting in the passenger seat. His face hardened and he looked at Zach. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“What?” Zach looked where Chris was looking, confused. Realization hit and he rolled his eyes. “Joe’s friend. I just picked him up from the airport.”

Chris looked skeptical.

“Give me a little credit, Chris, Jesus.”

Chris relaxed a little, but he tried not to show it. He shifted on his feet and looked back into the house, impatient. He hated this part, this awkward standing around, the holding back, pretending he didn’t want to just talk to Zach, talk and talk and tell him everything that had happened to him over the past few weeks, everything that his sister and Patrick and everyone else in his speed dial wouldn’t care about.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Zach said, not looking at Chris, “but I’m not seeing James anymore.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Yes, I’m sure you’re devastated.”

“Was he a jerk?” Not that Chris had spent too much time thinking about it, but in his mind, the guy had always been kind of a jerk.

Zach laughed, shook his head. “No.” No, James had been nice. Nice and fine and pleasant, to the point where Zach had actually considered introducing him to the boys. Had gone farther than considering it, actually. He’d had it all planned out, wanted to take them all to this street festival, something to keep them occupied, plenty of opportunities for James to impress them by handing them the cotton candy that Zach would never admit to buying. It hadn’t even occurred to him to let Chris know until a few days before. Then he’d had the phone in his hand, ready to make the call, planning out his words, and a cold panic swept over him as he realized that he didn’t know what he wanted to hear in response.

Because what if Chris was fine with it? What if he said, “Of course the kids should meet someone who’s important to you,” and Zach suddenly felt like it would be months, years, until James was important enough to meet his kids, _their kids_ , to be a part of his real life.

Or - what if Chris snapped at Zach, told him to do whatever the fuck he wanted, it was none of Chris’s business. He was used to that, immune to pissing Chris off, it had been the natural state of things for so long. But maybe it would mean that Chris still cared, and then Zach would care too, all over again.

Zach had stared at the phone, sweat breaking out on his forehead. He’d dialed James instead. “We need to talk…”

Zach shook his head again in response to Chris’s question. “No, just…I have other priorities right now,” he said, and he broke into a grin as they heard the thump of little feet approaching. “Like these guys,” Zach exclaimed as Jesse and Gavin pushed past Chris’s legs and into Zach’s arms, saying “DAD!”

“Hi guys! Happy Thanksgiving!” His world shrunk down into the only things that mattered, his children in his arms, and he gave thanks and drew his strength from them and told himself that they were enough. For now, they had to be enough.

  
 **Baggage**

The Uhaul was almost empty when Chris jumped up into the back. He squinted into the dim light and made his way forward, to where he could just make out Zach’s form, sprawled in his comfy gray chair.

“Takin’ a break?” Chris asked, sliding onto his lap, straddling him.

“Yep.”

“Good.” Chris ran his fingers through Zach’s hair and leaned in to kiss him, a quick peck on the lips at first, but then he flicked his tongue at the seam of Zach’s lips and Zach opened to him. Their tongues brushed lightly, then Zach slid his hands down to grip Chris’s ass, pulling him closer as Chris deepened the kiss.

Zach pulled away with a groan to catch his breath, resting his forehead against Chris’s chest. “The boys?”

“I bought us some time,” Chris whispered with a smirk. “Gavin’s putting the DVDs in alphabetical order and Jesse’s organizing the books…by color. That should keep them occupied for a while.” He ground his hips lightly into Zach’s lap. They were both hard already, neither needing much more than mere proximity for desire to start pumping through their veins. So much different than before, Zach couldn’t help but think as they kissed, as Chris got his fly open and wrapped a warm, confident hand around him. Zach bucked his hips in response and his fingers worked automatically at Chris’s jeans, but he slowed, just brushing his fingers along Chris’s length.

“Hey,” Chris said, letting go, bringing his hands up to cup Zach’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Zach said, looking down. He tightened his grip and gave a few strokes of Chris’s cock.

“Hey, come on. Stop, it’s okay.”

“I’m fine,” Zach said, shaking his head and moving his hand to Chris’s thigh. “I just…keep thinking.”

“About what?”

Zach shut his eyes. “I’m sorry, Chris,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I can’t help it. I just can’t stop wondering if it’s too soon.”

“I thought we already talked about this,” Chris started, but he felt Zach tense underneath him and he stopped himself. He’d sworn he wouldn’t let himself talk to Zach like that again, that they wouldn’t fall into old patterns, no matter how benign the words might seem. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. Tell me. Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, holding Zach to him.

“What are we doing, Chris? Are we starting over? Are we picking up where we left off?”

“We can’t do either, I don’t think. We’re just, doing this. We’re doing what comes next. Together.”

Zach swallowed and tightened his arms around Chris. “It’s hard,” he said softly. “Coming back. You know? I know I pushed for this, and I want to be here, I do. I _know_ I want to go to sleep with you every night, and wake up with you every morning. But I…I’m afraid it’s going to feel like I’m just waking up in _your_ bed.”

“It was never my bed, Zach, never,” Chris told him. “It was our bed, and it was empty without you in it.”

Zach nodded against his chest. “I feel like I’m coming home, but…it hurts. Knowing you got to be here. That you never left.”

“No,” Chris whispered, his voice cracking. “It was worse for me. This is _our_ house, and every day I had to look at _our_ couch and _our_ kitchen, and be reminded of the memories there. Fuck, Zach, if I had let myself miss you… “ He pressed his lips to Zach’s in a hard kiss, and Zach threaded his hands in Chris’s hair and kissed back. A hot flood of want surged through him and he remembered that they had this again, that it was more than just comfort and desperation now, it was passion and affection and it was _them_ and it was right. He felt Chris’s hands clutching at his shirt, holding back, so he was the first to touch this time, his hand steady and sure on Chris’s cock. Chris let out an involuntary moan, kissing sloppily against Zach’s mouth as he shuddered with the sensation. He broke the kiss to bury his face in Zach’s neck, his mouth open, breathing warm and damp against Zach’s skin until his hips jerked and he came, spurting over Zach’s hand. Zach slowed his strokes but didn’t stop, and Chris squeezed his eyes shut, clinging to Zach as he came down. He felt Zach shift under him, realized he was moving to touch himself, his fist slick with Chris’s come. Chris reached down to slide his fingers in between Zach’s, following his lead until he let go and arched into Chris’s fist. “Yeah,” Chris breathed, “god, Zach, so beautiful, I love you so much.” Zach made a sound in the back of his throat as his cock pulsed and he pressed back into the chair, writhing with the intensity of his orgasm.

When he caught his breath, he looked at Chris with lust-darkened eyes and a wry smirk.

“If you had let yourself miss me, maybe we wouldn’t have had to wait so long.”

Chris brushed his fingertips tenderly against Zach’s cheek and shook his head. “It would have been too soon. We would have fucked it up again.”

“But not this time.”

“No. Not this time.”


	17. Second Best / Seeing Stars / Global Warming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things that happen in a house full of boys.

**Second Best**

The movers were gone by the time Chris got back from his errands. He pushed the door open. “Zach? I’m back.”

He heard a rumbling sound, and Zach rolled across the hardwood floor of the living room on a skateboard.

“The fuck?” Chris asked in disbelief. There was no way Zach should look that at home on a skateboard.

Zach hopped off and picked up the board with a grin. “Look what I found!”

“Your agent would fucking kill you if she knew you were doing that, Quinto.”

“Well, don’t tell her then.”

“How do you even know how to skateboard?”

Zach shrugged. “I don’t, really.” He examined the board in his hands. “I think this was Joe’s or something. It was in a box of random shit from my garage.”

Chris glanced around at the piles of cardboard boxes covering the bare floors of their new house. “And that would of course be the box you felt the need to unpack first.”

“No,” Zach said defensively, gesturing to the kitchen. “I opened the wine glasses, too.” He nodded toward the bag that Chris was carrying. “What’d you get?”

“Just picked up some essentials,” Chris said casually.

Zach raised an eyebrow. “I’m terrified to find out what you consider essentials," he said wryly.

Chris grinned and glanced in the bag, listing his purchases. “Toothpaste, lube, burritos, and champagne.”

Zach nodded approvingly. “Probably could have done without the toothpaste,” he said with a wink. He set the skateboard down and pulled Chris into his arms for a deep kiss. Chris moaned and slid his arms around Zach’s waist, pulling their hips together so Zach could feel how turned on he was, how much Zach’s mere presence set his blood racing, always.

He pulled away to whisper in Zach’s ear. “I can’t believe we haven’t christened the house yet,” he breathed.

“What, really? We just started moving in, like, 24 hours ago,” Zach said, laughing.

“Exactly,” Chris said. He dropped the bag he was holding to wrap his fists in Zach’s shirt, pulling him backwards. His foot hit the skateboard and he stumbled, and Zach managed to hold onto him just enough to prevent him from injuring himself as they both fell gracefully to the floor. Zach rolled away to reach for the bag with the lube, which Chris took as the perfect opportunity to climb onto the skateboard and start wheeling himself away across the hardwood floor.

“Wheeeee!”

“Get back here, you-“ Zach said, lunging forward to catch him by the waistband and drag him back, wrestling him off the skateboard until they were laughing and kissing in a tangled heap on the floor.

Chris pushed Zach up a little so he could look at him. “Fuck me?” he asked breathlessly.

Zach leaned over him, one hand already traveling down to the substantial bulge in Chris’s jeans. “If you insist.”

*

“If that orgasm was any kind of premonition,” Zach panted, “I’m really, really going to like this house.” He grabbed lazily for his t-shirt to wipe Chris’s mess off the hardwood floor. No need to risk staining the new finish.

Chris flopped onto his back, breathing hard, laughter bubbling up in his chest. He turned onto his side and grabbed a handle of the plastic bag, dragged it over, and pulled out a burrito. He lay back on the floor and took a huge bite.

“Mmmmm,” he moaned through a mouthful of steak and cheese. “Sex followed by burritos. The third best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Zach leaned up on an elbow to look at him. “Third best?”

“Mm-hmm,” Chris said. He finished his bite. “You’re first.”

Zach shrugged modestly. “Obviously.” He watched Chris watching him, waiting, but the curiosity overcame him and he couldn’t stop himself. “What’s second?”

Chris grinned and his eyes twinkled. Zach knew that look, and it was gorgeous on Chris. He also knew that it was usually followed by a surprise party, or a surprise stripper-cake, or in one particularly misguided case, a surprise gigantic pink dildo.

“What?! Come on, tell me!”

“Kiss me.”

“You have burrito breath.”

“Hence the toothpaste. Kiss me anyway, and I’ll tell you.”

Zach leaned down and kissed him, licking into his mouth with an exaggerated moan. Finally it was Chris who pushed away, scrambling up from the floor and over to the table where he’d set his phone. He sat back down on the floor and gestured for Zach to sit next to him, leaning against the bare wall. Zach felt his stomach flutter with anticipation. He had a feeling that this was _not_ about a pink dildo.

Chris held the phone screen out of sight as he tapped the keys. Finally, he handed it to Zach. His eyes were still sparkling, but he was biting his lip nervously now, watching Zach closely as he read the email.

 _Dear Mr. Pine,  
We are thrilled to hear of your interest in Our Heart Adoptions. Thank you very much for completing our Pre-Adoption Application, which is Step One of our process. We would like to invite you and your husband to meet with one of our adoption agents for further discussion. Please feel free to have someone contact us to set up a time at your earliest convenience._

Zach blinked several times as a flood of emotion welled up in his chest. “Chris,” he finally managed. “What…?”

Chris’s eyes were bright and wide and it looked like he’d been holding his breath. His words came in a rush. “I didn’t schedule anything yet because I wanted to talk to you first. But I’ve got four more emails like that one in my inbox and…” his voice faltered. “What do you think?”

Zach shook his head slowly. “I…god…Chris, are you sure?”

Chris shrugged and traced a finger along a seam in the floor. “I know we’ve only been married four months…but we’ve known for so long that this is what we want. And now we have the house, and I just thought maybe it was time, you know? I mean, only if you want to though. Obviously.”

Zach was nodding now, and smiling and blinking back tears and lunging across the floor to throw his arms around Chris and pepper him with kisses. They laughed and pressed their foreheads together.

“Yeah,” Zach breathed. “Yeah, let’s do it. God. My heart’s racing,” he said, holding a hand to his chest.

“Mine, too.”

Zach slumped back against the wall, his mind speeding ahead with thoughts of the future. “Wow. Everything will change. Do you think…do you think we can handle raising a kid?” he asked, looking at Chris.

Chris nodded slowly. “I think so. We’re smart. We work well together.”

“We’re pretty mature,” Zach added.

They looked out into the living room, at the piles of boxes, at the skateboard and the bottle of champagne that had rolled across the floor. Zach chuckled ruefully, and Chris followed his gaze, from the half-eaten burrito to the crumpled t-shirt, and he felt the laughter taking over again. Then they were both cracking up, Chris falling over into Zach’s lap, Zach’s shoulders shaking as he laughed so hard no sound came out. And the laughter gave them an excuse for their tears, not that they needed one, as they held each other and saw the future unfolding in each others’ eyes.

Except, Chris noticed, Zach’s eyes kept flicking to the cell phone on the floor next to them, the email still visible on the screen.

“What? What is it?”

Zach bit his lip and gave Chris a hopeful look. “Can we write back to them tonight?”

 **Seeing Stars**

Chris knocked a couple times before giving up and using his key to let himself into Zach’s apartment. The lights were on in the living room, but there was no one there, and Chris stood still for a moment, listening. He heard the quiet murmur of voices coming from the boys’ bedroom, and he slipped silently down the hall until he was standing outside the closed door. He touched his forehead to the cool wood and listened.

“…is my favorite!” he heard Gavin say enthusiastically.

“Yeah? You like that one?” Zach’s voice. “What about that one, do you remember what that’s called? The one that looks like a W?”

“Cass….Cass…” Jesse started, until Gavin interrupted him. “Cassiopeia!”

“That’s right! Good memory, Gavin. Which one is your favorite, Jesse?”

“I like Saturn.”

“Saturn’s not a constellation, dummy,” Gavin told him.

“He didn’t say it had to be a constellation!”

Chris chuckled to himself and knocked quietly on the door. The voices inside went silent, then Jesse said “Papa?”

He heard Zach say “It’s 9:00 already?” as he opened the door and stepped inside.

The room was dark, and Zach, Jesse, and Gavin were lying on their backs on the floor, a sleeping bag spread out underneath them. “Hi, Papa!” Gavin said in a loud whisper.

“Hey guys,” Chris said, keeping his voice low as he knelt down next to them. “What are you doing?”

“We’re camping!” Jesse said.

Zach gave Chris a sheepish shrug from his prone position and held up a flashlight. “We told stories. Now we’re looking at the stars,” he said, pointing up at the ceiling.

Chris turned to look and his jaw dropped. Zach had covered the ceiling with glow-in-the-dark stars, clusters forming real constellations interspersed with glowing planets and comets shooting across the night sky. “They’re amazing,” Chris breathed, glancing at Zach, impressed. Zach was still looking at the stars, so Chris lay down beside them, putting an arm around Gavin as he squirmed in closer.

“What’s that one?” Chris said, pointing to an unfamiliar constellation above Jesse’s bed. “That looks like a P and what’s that next to it…”

“It’s for Pine-Quinto!” Gavin said, in his best _duh, Papa_ voice.

“Ohhh, oh yes, of course,” Chris said. “You know, I’ve never actually seen that constellation before.”

“Well, that’s because you can only see it from Australia,” Zach said dryly.

“Oh _obviously_ ,” Chris said, laughing now. “How silly of me. I didn’t know our name was written in the stars.”

They were quiet for a moment, all four of them, lost in thought as their eyes traveled over Zach’s glowing rendition of space. Chris felt a peacefulness settle over him, and he thought for a moment that he could fall asleep right there, with the comfy sleeping bag beneath him and Gavin tucked against his side.

Jesse broke the silence. “Can we stay over, Papa?” he asked, and Chris would have said yes in heartbeat, but…

“I think Dad has to get up pretty early tomorrow, Jess. So I’ve gotta take you guys home tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” Jesse said, sitting up with a resigned sigh.

Zach turned his flashlight on, and Chris got a look at Jesse’s t-shirt, which was smeared with…something.

“Oh. Um. We made s’mores,” Zach confessed. Chris raised an eyebrow at him. “In the microwave.”

“Ah,” said Chris, with an understanding smile. “How did that work out for you?”

“Popular,” Zach said. “But messy.”

“I can see that,” Chris said, standing up. He helped Gavin to his feet and grabbed the boys’ backpacks from the floor. “We won’t see you until next weekend, is that right?” he asked Zach.

Zach scratched his neck, thinking. “Our shooting schedule is crazy this week, but…I was thinking maybe I’d stop by early one morning? See the boys off to school? If that’s okay with you…”

Chris nodded. Their eyes met, the glow of the stars illuminating a shared smile. “Yeah, sure. Come by any time. Maybe I’ll even make you coffee.”

 **Global Warming**

Chris was reading the newspaper at the kitchen table when Gavin wandered in to find himself a snack.

“You’re _still_ hungry?”

Gavin shrugged as he yanked open the fridge door. Chris raised an eyebrow as he watched him pick up and examine every single item in the fridge in search of something that met his standards.

“There’s nothing to eat,” he concluded, slamming the fridge door shut.

“What are you talking about? There are pudding cups in there! Also hummus and veggies, and grapes, and leftover pasta, and bagels…”

“I want bologna,” Gavin announced.

Chris stared at him. “You’re a very strange child.”

Gavin shrugged.

“Did you finish your homework?” Chris asked.

“Uh huh.”

“Have you started on your essay yet?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want me to look it over for you?”

Shrug.

“Is there some kind of memo that goes out to all children when they turn 13 that states that they must immediately become surly, taciturn teenagers? ‘Cause I really don’t envy your teachers.”

“Whatever,” Gavin mumbled as he stomped out of the kitchen, heading for the stairs.

“Hey Gavin, c’mere,” Zach called from the couch in the living room.

“Why?”

“Just come here, sheesh. I want to show you something.”

Gavin rolled his eyes and walked over, leaning on the back of the sofa. “What?”

Zach smiled. “Wait for it…”

“Oh my god, Dad, that is GROSS! Ew, that is disgusting,” Gavin shouted, shaking himself and running away. “JESSE!” he yelled, thundering up the stairs. “Dad just FARTED on me!”

Chris was cracking up in the kitchen. “Nice one, Zach.”

“Thanks.” Zach leaned back and picked up his book.

A few minutes later, Jesse wandered down the stairs and into the living room. “Hey, Dad,” he said, leaning over to rifle through the papers on the coffee table, “have you seen my textbook, I think I left it-“ He paused mid-sentence to fart audibly in Zach’s direction.

Zach’s jaw dropped. “Seriously? Did you just-“

He was interrupted as Gavin ran over, yelled “SNEAK ATTACK!”, and lifted his leg to ensure maximum gas dispersion.

Zach gagged and threw himself dramatically over the back of the couch. “Oh my god,” he moaned, crawling across the floor toward the kitchen. “Chris! Chris, get down. Toxic gases…filling the house…”

Chris gave up on the newspaper and waited until Zach had reached the kitchen to lift an ass-cheek off the chair and let one rip.

Zach stared at him in disbelief. “Who’s side are you on?! And good lord, what have you people been eating, you all STINK!”

He watched as Chris’s face took on an expression of thoughfulness, which morphed into intense concentration, followed by a look of pride as a disgusting stench filled the air.

He winked at Zach. “Silent. But deadly.”

Zach got slowly to his feet. He glared at Chris, then at Gavin and Jesse where they were watching from the living room. He let his voice go deep and threatening. “Everyone in this house had better **fear. my. wrath.** ”

Chris’s smile faded as he looked at Zach. His eyes widened. “Shit,” he said, knocking his chair over as he ran like hell for the back door.

Zach hurtled the chair, hot on Chris’s heels as they careened around the corner and down the hall. He could hear Gavin and Jesse laughing as they followed. Chris slammed full force into the screen door and fell out of the house onto the lawn. He rolled on the grass, struggling as Zach lunged on top of him, straddling his stomach and pinning his arms.

“I got him!” Zach yelled, as Chris squirmed, laughing, underneath him.

“No, no, don’t!” Chris protested through his laughter as Jesse and Gavin surrounded him, took aim, and fired. “Oh god,” Chris whimpered, wrenching an arm out from Zach’s grasp to cover his nose. “You’re all grounded.” He glared at Zach. “YOU started this!”

Zach raised an eyebrow, sat up on his knees, and released one final, impressively loud fart. Chris took the opportunity to tackle him, flipping him over until they were both lying sprawled on the grass, laughing hysterically. Jesse sat down beside them, leaning back on an arm as he watched them with an eyebrow raised. “You guys are SO immature,” he said, shaking his head.

Chris turned and reached over to yank his arm out from under him. Gavin laughed as Jesse tumbled backwards, and Jesse kicked out a leg to knock Gavin down onto the grass. Chris reached for Zach’s hand and tangled their fingers together as the four of them lay on the lawn, trying to catch their breath despite the laughter that they couldn’t quite contain.

“How come our family is so weird?” Gavin asked when the giggling had finally subsided.

“I take umbrage with that,” Zach said.

“See,” said Jesse, “Exhibit A. Who the hell says 'umbrage'?”

“Don't curse,” Chris said automatically. “And are you saying you'd rather we be normal?”

“One can dream,” Gavin said wistfully.

“ _To dream the impossible dream_ ,” Chris and Zach sang at the same time, before dissolving into laughter.

“Oh my god,” Jesse muttered.

“You know,” Chris said conversationally. “We used to be normal. Before you guys came along.”

“Zoe and Karl tell us otherwise…every single time we see them,” Jesse said dryly.

Zach looked at Chris and shook his head. “Foiled at every turn.”

“Seriously.” He broke into a grin. “Remember when we started potty training Gavin?”

“Why?!” Gavin wailed dramatically at the night sky. “Why must we talk about this, why?”

“Because, it’s fun,” Chris said. “And funny. Do you remember, Jesse?”

Jesse considered the question. “Vaguely. I remember being wet.”

Chris laughed. “That’s because Dad got so frustrated with the whole process that he started a water fight instead.”

“I did not _start_ a _water fight_ ,” Zach protested. “Gavin peed all over himself, so I took him into the shower.”

“Oh my GOD!” said Gavin, covering his ears as he rolled on the grass in humiliation

“But he forgot that he still had his clothes on,” Chris said, continuing the story, “then he got all mad when he got himself all wet. So he pulls the spray nozzle off and decides to soak us, too!”

“Chris, that is not the whole story.”

“Okay, fine,” Chris conceded. “I _may_ have laughed at him. A little.”

“A little?”

“Okay, so I peed my pants a little from laughing so hard.”

“Exactly! You were setting a terrible example. And I was just cleaning you off.”

“You were being vindictive. Anyway, the point is, I think Gavin just ended up more confused than anything. We start out telling him to use the potty and we all end up with our clothes absolutely sopping wet.”

“I think that’s why it took him another five months to get the hang of it,” Zach added.

“He still doesn’t have the hang of it,” Jesse said, laughing. “OW!” He looked at Chris and Zach. “Aren’t you going to tell him not to hit me?”

Chris looked at Zach, then back at Jesse and shrugged. “Whatever.”

Zach propped himself on an elbow and looked at all three of them. “I love you guys,” he said, his voice tender and serious. “Even if you did set back progress on global warming by several years tonight.”

“Me too,” added Chris. “I love our weird family.”

“Me too,” Jesse said. “Normal families must be so boring.”

“I guess we’re okay,” Gavin conceded with a shrug.

“We’re OKAY?” Chris asked, rolling toward him. “OKAY?” He got up on his knees and reached down to tickle Gavin. Gavin tried to look annoyed, but he could only fake nonchalance for so long before he started giggling. “We’re AWESOME! Come on, say it! Say we’re awesome,” Chris said, digging his fingers into Gavin’s ribs.

“Ahhh,” Gavin yelled, laughing. “Okay, we’re awesome, we’re awesome,” he admitted, panting. Chris released him and sat up. He gave Zach a significant look.

“Did you hear that, Dad? We’re awesome.”

“We are awesome,” Zach said, sitting up. He was grinning, happiness welling up in his chest, overflowing his heart, and he pulled Chris in for a kiss to keep the tears from spilling.

“Oh god, not again,” Gavin muttered, but he didn’t make a move to get up.

Zach pulled out of the kiss before he forgot himself and leaned over to nudge Jesse with his foot. “Hey Jess. Go grab a gallon of ice cream from the freezer and bring it out here. With four spoons.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because I want to eat ice cream with my stinky family under the stars. Is that so wrong?”

Jesse grinned and got to his feet.

“What do you think, Papa?” Zach asked Chris. “That sound good to you?”

“Yep,” Chris said, lying back on the grass and smiling up at him. “That sounds pretty fluffin’ good to me.”


End file.
